The Apple

The Apple

Volume 1, Issue 1

June 8, 2003

Conspiracy Suspected in Central Utah Detour
Thistle, UT – Just 14 miles from the I-15 Dean Johnston and Laynni Locke were directed on to a 104-mile detour allegedly due to a fallen transformer. A short-sighted lack of secondary roads combined with an apparent shortage of signs in the preceding towns added an hour and a half to the couple’s already long travel day. “You’ve got to be f**king kidding!” responded Johnston in disbelief.

Man Rebuffs Fellow Motorist’s Attempt at Small Talk
Big Piney, WY – During an estimated 20-minute delay resulting from road construction Dean Johnston was peering under the hood of his car when approached by an elderly man from the car ahead. The man attempted to engage Johnston in conversation, “I guess this is a good time to get some work done, huh?” Johnston replied, “Gotta do something” and immediately turned back to the engine, feigning interest in vehicle repairs. The man eventually lost interest and returned to his car.

Visiting Couple Describe Legendary Yellowstone National Park as “Huge”
Jackson, WY – In other news, they also described American icon Old Faithful as “interesting” and the Grand Canyon of Yellowstone as “pretty cool”.

Unidentified Wildlife Causes Traffic Jam in Yellowstone National Park
Gardiner, WY – Upon seeing 2 people park their car in the middle of the road in order to take a picture of something in the trees, dozens of other cars spontaneously followed suit. Despite not actually seeing anything they persisted in shuffling around in the ditch in hopes that a magnificent photo opportunity would suddenly present itself. Several minutes later a lack of success finally allowed traffic to begin moving once again.

Foreigner Drives Wrong Way on One-Way Street
Billings, MT – In downtown Billings last week a Canadian man drove more than 3 blocks in a northerly direction on a southbound street. While still puzzling over the fact that the intersection’s only traffic light faced away from him he was startled when his wife began yelling, “Wrong way! Wrong way!” Suddenly realizing his error he just managed to turn off before reaching the 3 lanes of oncoming traffic. He later explained his mistake, saying that he didn’t realize that it was one-way.

Local Man Disturbed by Canadian License Plates
Malta, MT – A local farmer expressed alarm upon spotting Saskatchewan license plates from his booth in the Malta Dairy Queen last week. “That means there are Canadians in this restaurant right now”, he deduced. His wife then noted that it was “a small car” which seemed to assuage his fears, although it was unclear how that fact reduced the Canadian threat. The couple did manage to finish their meals before leaving in a calm fashion.

Other Headlines

Woman Expresses Irritation as Husband Insists on Another Difficult “Scenic” Route

Central Montana’s Highway 19 to be Renamed “Middle of Nowhere”

Man Camping in Grand Teton National Park Freezes Nuts Off

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