Just when Suarez had managed to impersonate a human being long enough to start fooling even his biggest haters (such as yours truly) he undergoes another “dark spell” and attacks Chiellini’s shoulder. If this was a century ago they’d already have him strapped down with a piece of leather between his teeth while they put enough volts through him to power a combine. I don’t know which part I found more amusing: Chiellini running around with his shirt pulled down to show the bite mark while Uruguayan players tried to pull it back up as if to say “Don’t do that. We’d rather not see that”, or the way Suarez seemed to be expecting some sort of sympathy for how much his teeth were hurting now. Yet, just like with his infamous intentional handball for Uruguay, his idiotic actions do nothing to hurt his team’s chances and a pretty questionable straight red the other way lets them advance. If there is any justice at all (which is debatable, of course) he will be suspended for the rest of the World Cup which, without him, will probably last just one more game. Then the Italian coach resigned immediately following the game while Balotelli already waited on the team bus. All in a day’s work at the World Cup.

But who knows? What a crazy day. Besides “the incident”, Greece sends Ivory Coast home thanks to a last-second penalty that, despite the apparently blind announcer claiming there was no contact, was probably justified. The real mistake for the Africans was pissing around on that 4 on 2 a minute early like it was more important to kill time than put the game away. Greece seemed like an afterthought this whole time and suddenly they are in the knockout stages. Weird.

England and Costa Rica drew 0-0. And that is the most exciting thing I can say about that snoozefest.

With their spot in the final sixteen already wrapped up Colombia fielded a semi B-team and led to Jackson Martinez not only getting some playing time but scoring twice. The way Colombia was playing without him I had already written him off. Which I would never have done had I known that “the first thing he does every morning is read his bible”. Is that before or after his morning piss, I wonder? Either way, I”m not complaining since him and his Colombian mates have dragged my B-team up into 2nd place for the time being, still trailing behind It’s Ghana get Messi. Then moving up to 3rd place, right on our tail, is Jim’s dog. Ha.

Standings (Jun 24)