Are you searching for funny birthday quotes? Look no further! We think that when it comes to birthday quotes, funny ones are the best so we’ve gathered all the best ones to make your friend or a family member’s birthday a bit more memorable. This collection of funny birthday quotes includes short funny birthday quotes, funny happy birthday quotes, cute funny quotes about birthdays, funny inspirational birthday quotes, funny birthday sayings, funny happy birthday sayings, funny birthday wishes and funny birthday captions.
Whether you are looking for the best funny birthday quotes or just reminiscing over funny and happy birthdays — this collection is perfect for you.
If you like funny quotes and sayings, you should also check out our lists of Funny Good Morning Quotes, Funny Love Quotes, Funny Work Quotes, Funny Quotes of the Day, Funny Quotes About Life and Funny Inspirational Quotes
Skip ahead to your favorite category or start scrolling to find your favorite funny birthday quote.
Funny Birthday Quotes
These funny birthday quotes will put a smile on your face.
“For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.” — John Glenn
“A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday, but never remembers her age.” — Robert Frost
“When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.” — Joan Rivers
“When I was little I thought, isn’t it nice that everybody celebrates on my birthday? Because it’s July 4th.” — Gloria Stuart
“My Birthday! What a difference sound That word had in my youthful ears; And how each time the day comes round, Less and less white its mark appears.” — Thomas Moore
“Birthdays are a great time to stop and appreciate gravity. Sure, it makes things sag as you get older, but it also keeps your cake from flying all over the room so you don’t have to chase it.” — Greg Tamblyn
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” — Lucille Ball
“People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.” — George Burns
“For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier…I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.” — Steven Wright
“Every year on my birthday, I start a new playlist titled after my current age so I can keep track of my favorite songs of the year as a sort of musical diary because I am a teenage girl.” — Chris Hardwick
“The older you get the better you get, unless you are a banana.” — Betty White
“Just remember once you’re over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.” — Charles Schultz
“I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don’t have to respect anybody.” — George Burns
“The really frightening thing about middle age is the knowledge that you’ll grow out of it.” — Doris Day
“Inside every older person is a younger person – wondering what the hell happened.” — Cora Harvey Armstrong
“Life would be infinitely better if we could be born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18.” — Mark Twain
“As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” — Norman Wisdom
“Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it.” — Golda Meir
“First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly.” — Branch Rickey
“If you live to the age of a hundred, you have it made because very few people die past the age of a hundred.” — George Burns
“At the age of 20, we don’t care what the world thinks of us; at 30, we worry about what it is thinking of us; at 40, we discover that it wasn’t thinking of us at all.” — John M Eades
Short Funny Birthday Quotes
Check out our list of short funny birthday quotes. If you like short quotes, you might also want to check out our lists of Short Inspirational Quotes, Short Quotes About Life, Short Positive Quotes, Short Deep Quotes, Funny Short Quotes, Short Cute Quotes, Short Friendship Quotes, Short Quotes About Change, Short Travel Quotes and Best Short Quotes.
“The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.” — Robert Orben
“All the world is a birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much.” — George Harrison
“That’s the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.” — Bob Hope
“The Best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” — H. V. Prochnow
“A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.” — Erma Bombeck
“You’re getting old when the only thing you want for your birthday is not to be reminded of it.” — Felix Severn
“Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.” — Rodney Dangerfield
“Looking 50 is great – if you’re 60.” — Joan Rivers
“After 30, a body has a mind of its own.” — Bette Midler
“To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.” — Bernard Baruch
“I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.” — Phyllis Diller
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” — Kitty Collins
“Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.” — Billie Burke
“You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” — Bob Hope
“Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” — Jack Benny
“The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.” — Jerry M. Wright
“Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed.” — Anthony Powell
“Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.” — Theodore Roosevelt
“When you turn thirty, a whole new thing happens: you see yourself acting like your parents.” — Blair Sabol
“The first hundred years are the hardest.” — Wilson Mizner
Funny Happy Birthday Quotes
You’ll enjoy these funny happy birthday quotes. You might also like our list of Short Happy Quotes.
“Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, ‘Happy Birthday’.” — Steven Wright
“No wonder I’m unhappy. My twin forgot my birthday.” — Jerry Dennis
“There is still no cure for the common birthday.” — John Glenn
“My girlfriend bought me a collared shirt for my birthday, mainly so I don’t get too far ahead of her when she takes me for a walk.” — Jarod Kintz
“Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece?” — Bobby Kelton
Put candles in a cake, it’s a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, and somebody’s drunk in the kitchen.” — Jim Gaffigan
“I binge when I’m happy. When everything is going really well, every day is like I’m at a birthday party.” — Kirstie Alley
“The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” — E. Joseph Cossman
“Youth is a gift of nature but age is a work of art.” — Stanislaw Lec
“Age is not important unless you’re a cheese.” — Helen Hayes
“Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.” — Chili Davis
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” — Jim Carrey
“What I am looking for is a blessing not in disguise.” — Jerome K. Jerome
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” — Andy Rooney
“Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.” — Anthony Burgess
“Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” — Margaret Mead
“Eventually you reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” — Will Rogers
“The old believe everything, the middle—aged suspect everything, the young know everything.” — Oscar Wilde
“The people who live in a golden age usually go around complaining how yellow everything looks.” — Randall Jarrell
“If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.” — Eubie Blake
Cute Funny Quotes About Birthdays
Consider the following cute funny quotes about birthdays. You might also like our list of Short Cute Quotes.
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” — Larry Lorenzoni
“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” — Steven Wright
“From our birthday, until we die, is but the winking of an eye.” — William Butler Yeats
“At twenty years of age, the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; and at forty, the judgement.” — Benjamin Franklin
“Time is a dressmaker specializing in alterations.” — Faith Baldwin
“You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.” — Ogden Nash
“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” — Mark Twain
“If you survive long enough, you’re revered-rather like an old building.” — Katherine Hepburn
“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.” — Oprah Winfrey
“Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you’re alive, it isn’t.” — Richard Bach
“Of late I appear to have reached that stage when people who look old who are only my age.” — Richard Armour
“Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young.” — Dorothy Canfield Fisher
“Today is the oldest you have been, and the youngest you will ever be. Make the most of it!” — Nicky Gumbel
“I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn’t have one. So, I got a cake!” — Mitch Hedberg
“Middle age is when you’ve met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.” — Ogden Nash
“Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.” — Franklin Pierce Adams
“One of the best parts of growing older? You can flirt all you like since you’ve become harmless.” — Liz Smith
“Middle age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature.” — Harold Coffin
“Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you.” — Ogden Nash
Funny Inspirational Birthday Quotes
These funny inspirational birthday quotes will make you smile. And if you like these you should head over to our list of Funny Inspirational Quotes for more.
“Cherish all your happy moments; they make a fine cushion for old age.” — Booth Tarkington
“Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears.” — John Lennon
“When you wake up every day, it’s like a new birthday: it’s a new chance to be great again and make great decisions.” — Poo Bear
“You were born an original. Don’t die a copy.” — John Mason
“Don’t just count your years, make your years count.” — George Meredith
“I decided if you’re lucky enough to be alive, you should use each birthday to celebrate what your life is about.” — Mary Steenburgen
“Age is a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” — Mark Twain
“It’s sad to grow old, but nice to ripen.” – Brigitte Bardot
“The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.” — Madeleine L’Engle
You don’t get older, you get better. — Shirley Bassey
“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” — Mahatma Gandhi
“Whatever with the past has gone, The best is always yet to come.” — Lucy Larcom
“Age is a high price to pay for maturity.” — Tom Stoppard
“Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.” — Tom Wilson
“To know how to grow old is the masterwork of wisdom, and one of the most difficult chapters in the great art of living.” — Henri Frederic Amiel
“You were born and with you endless possibilities, very few ever to be realized. It’s okay. Life was never about what you could do, but what you would do.” — Richelle E. Goodrich
“Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.” — Truman Capote
“My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.” — Woody Allen
“For the first half of your life, people tell you what you should do. For the second half, they tell you what you should have done.” — Richard Needham
“Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.” — Dave Barry
Funny Birthday Sayings
These funny birthday sayings will give joy to your loved ones on their birthday. Check out these funny sayings for birthdays here, then you might also like our list of Funny Sayings.
“Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.”
“It’s better to be over the hill than under it.”
“It’s better to be one month older than one month late!”
“Getting older is just part of life, and the other parts are even worse.”
“Some sayings just don’t seem to hold up in certain situations. One is, “The more the merrier.” This doesn’t hold true when you are talking about birthdays.”
“I decided to keep having birthdays because it beats the alternative… Death.”
“On your birthday you get to have your cake and eat it too.”
“Birthdays are like cheese. They stink more the older they get.”
“Middle age is when a man is warned to slow down by a doctor instead of a policeman.”
“There’s really only one true birthday. The rest are simply anniversaries of the day of a person’s birth.”
“Getting older is just part of life… and the other parts are even worse.”
“The more birthdays one has, the more difficult it becomes to remember all of them.”
“It is wise for a man to be nice to his friends on their birthdays. They may return the favor.”
“Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.”
“They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body.”
“We know we’re getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it.”
“You know you are getting old when the birthday candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”
“Age is a number and mine is unlisted.”
“The best years of a woman’s life — the 10 years between 39 and 40.”
“When I have a birthday, I take a day-off. But when my wife has a birthday, she takes a year or two off.”
Funny Happy Birthday Sayings
Here are some of our favorite funny happy birthday sayings. Pick your favorite funny sayings about birthdays below.
“I’m not aging, I’m marinating.”
“Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday and it said that I needed an upgrade.”
“At least you’re not as old as you will be next year.”
“If birthdays were celebrated every week instead of every year, there would be a lot more happy people in this world.”
“Some things are better with age. Too bad you aren’t one of them.”
“Birthdays are like vacations. You don’t have one too often and they come and go too quickly.”
“Two things that are inevitable for any living person are birthdays and taxes.”
“Aging is the worst side effect of birthdays.”
“The old pessimist focuses on his growing number. The old optimist focuses on his growing blessings.”
“It might be the cake talking, but I love birthday parties.”
“The older you get, the more disoriented your hair gets. Once it leaves your head, it seems to get lost.”
“Life was meant to be celebrated more often than just one day a year. We’re missing opportunities the other 364 days.”
“The best presents one can receive on a birthday are one’s friends’ presence.”
“No wise man ever wished to be younger.”
“It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle.”
“Another year, another new place that aches.”
“The younger you try to look, the older you actually are.”
“You’re so old that when you looked at your birth certificate, it said expired.”
“Middle age is when a narrow waist and a broad mind begin to change places.”
“You have reached the age where all compliments will be followed by “for your age”.”
Funny Birthday Wishes
These funny birthday wishes are worth sharing with your friends and family. Then head to our full list of Funny Birthday Wishes for more.
“On your special day, I wish you peace, love, insight, relaxation, fun, knowledge, romance, friendship… and all that stuff that doesn’t cost anything. Happy Birthday!”
“Happy Birthday! For your special day I made you a cake. BOOM YOU’RE A CAKE! You’re so very welcome.”
“Happy birthday to a lifelong friend! I can’t wait until we’re old enough to be terrorizing the senior home nurses together!”
“I can only hope to be as great a woman as you one day. But, obviously with better clothes. Happy birthday!”
“Older? Definitely. Wiser? …Mmm Debatable. Happy Birthday.”
“Happy Birthday Dad! When I grow up I want to be just like you… But hopefully with more hair! Love, your son.”
“Happy birthday to my brother who has the world’s greatest sister! You are so lucky haha! Hope this makes you smile and shake your head for the rest of your special day!”
“Happy birthday, my dearest friend! Hope you have the best day celebrating. I can’t wait to BOOP you on the nose in a few short months. Love you always.”
“Even with your ripe old age, you’re still the best friend someone could ask for. I’ll get the prune juice ready though. Happy Birthday.”
“Here’s to many more rotations around the sun. May you live to be old and toothless — Jell—O is the caviar of the future! Happy Birthday.”
“May you live to be so old that the very sight of you terrifies babies and ex—lovers. Happy birthday!”
“It’s your birthday! You know what that means? One year closer to being that old guy who yells at kids “Get off my lawn!” Everyone loves that guy!”
“You’re older; you’re wiser; you’re sophisticated. Far too sophisticated to be concerned with material things like presents. Happy Birthday!”
“A wise man once said, “Forget about your past, you cannot change it”. I’d like to add: “Forget about your present, I didn’t get you one”. Happy birthday!”
“I’m so sorry I forgot your birthday. The good news is that I also forgot your age. Happy Belated Birthday.”
“On your birthday you might be thinking “Oh man I’m getting old”, but don’t worry. Just because you’re old doesn’t mean you won’t still be doing dumb stuff. You’ll just be doing it slower. Happy birthday!”
“You know you’re 40 when your back is hairier than your head. Happy Birthday!”
“Everyone gets to be young once. Today it’s official, your turn is over. Happy birthday!”
“At your age, people expect you to be calm, dignified and sober… Disappoint them. Happy Birthday!”
“The best part of being over forty is that you did most your stupid stuff before the internet. Happy birthday!”
“Let’s get you so drunk that you end up believing it’s my birthday and buying me drinks all night. Happy birthday!”
“Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.”
Funny Birthday Captions
Zoom—ing into my birthday week!
It’s my birthday and that’s the tea.
It’s my birthday; I can wine if I want to.
Hugs, kisses and birthday wishes.
Smiling into my birthday week!
I hope my birthday cake is as yummy as me.
The best birthday present of all is love.
Today is my birthday, and I’m riding high.
Sunshine and birthday wishes on my mind.
It’s midnight, which means it’s my birthday!
My birthday looks a little different this year.
Gonna party like it’s my birthday…’cause it is.
Today’s the day I can wear this birthday crown!
Staring my birthday celebrations early this year!
Just went on my annual birthday shopping spree!
Dreaming that tomorrow will be my birthday again.
Telling everyone in sight that it’s my birthday!
I have a craving for cake…It must be my birthday week.
My birthday is tomorrow…just in case anyone was wondering.
I got ready and put on REAL clothes to celebrate my birthday today. #GoMe
If I appear to be in a great mood today, don’t be alarmed. It’s my birthday!
So that’s our list! Hopefully, we were able to help you find the great funny quote about birthdays you were looking for.
Let us know in the comments if we missed your favorite funny quote for birthdays.
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