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100 Funny Family Quotes Perfect

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Families can be amazing, annoying and crazy all at the same time, and we love them for it! It’s a bond that continues through generations, so why not make them remember your wit and humor with these funny family quotes? We’ve rounded up the best which include short funny quotes about family, crazy family quotes, funny inspirational family quotes, funny relatives quotes, family fun quotes, funny quotes on family and friends, funny family quotes for the holidays, funny family sayings and short funny family sayings.

Whether you want to give them a dose of inspiration or make family gatherings more enjoyable, it’s all right here in our list of funny family quotes.

If you like family quotes and captions, you should also check out our lists of Short Family Quotes, Inspirational Family Quotes, Family Captions, Funny Family Captions, Funny Sibling Quotes, Sibling Captions, Funny Brother Captions, Funny Sister Captions, Funny Father Captions and Cousin Captions.

Skip ahead to your favorite category or start scrolling to find your favorite funny family quote.

Funny Family Quotes

If you’re looking for some good laughs, these funny family quotes should do the trick.

“I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.” — Anthony Anderson

“One day you will do things for me that you hate. That is what it means to be family.” — Jonathan Safran Foer

“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.” — George Carlin

“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.” — Nancy Mitford

“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.” — Emo Phillips

“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.” — Gracie Allen

Family at sunset with funny family quotes by Allen

“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.” — Earl Wilson

“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.” — Friedrich Nietzsche

“In some families, ‘please’ is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was ‘sorry’.” — Margaret Laurence

“There’s nothing that makes you more insane than family. Or more happy. Or more exasperated. Or more…secure.” — Jim Butcher

“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.” — Rodney Dangerfield

“Family is just an accident. They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.” — Marsha Norman

“I been with strangers all day and they treated me like family. I come in here to family and you treat me like a stranger.” — August Wilson

“My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get–my–own–show funny.” — Nick Kroll

“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.” — Penelope Lombard

“Family: a social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.” — Evan Esar

“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two – thirds incontinent.” — Robert Brault

“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.” — Robert Brault

“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.” — H. L. Mencken

“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” — Erma Bombeck

Short Funny Quotes About Family

Enjoy these short funny quotes about family. You can also check out our lists of Short Quotes About Family and Best Short Quotes.

“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” — Harry Morgan

“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.” — Jeff Foxworthy

“I think togetherness is an important ingredient of family life.” — Barbara Bush

“There is no cure for laziness but a large family helps.” — Herbert V. Prochnow

“All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.” — W.C. Fields

“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.” — Erma Bombeck

Family on beach with short funny family quotes by Bombeck

“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.” — Martin Mull

“Ohana means family and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.” — Stitch

“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.” — Shailene Woodley

“If you don’t believe in ghosts, you’ve never been to a family reunion.” — Ashleigh Brilliant

“The world, we’d discovered, doesn’t love you like your family loves you.” — Louis Zamperini

“Parents are not interested in justice, they’re interested in peace and quiet.” — Bill Cosby

“A happy family is but an earlier heaven.” – George Bernard Shaw

Family on mountain with short family quotes by Shaw

“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.” — Ralph Bus

“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?” — Robert Brault

“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.” — Maxime Lagacé

“Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.” — Robert Frost

“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance – waiting for the bathroom.” — Bob Hope

“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.” — Douglas Adams

“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.” — Marcelina Hardy

Crazy Family Quotes

Here are some of our favorite crazy family quotes.

“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.” — Cary Grant

“Every family has that one crazy person in it. If you’re missing one I seem to have a few extras.” — Unknown

“Like all the best families, we have our share of eccentricities, of impetuous and wayward youngsters and of family disagreements.” — Elizabeth II

“Being crazy isn’t enough.” — Dr. Seuss

“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.” — Wayne Huizenga

Family hiking with crazy family quotes by Huizenga

“It’s hard to give up the self—esteem connected to being codependent and appearing ‘right,’ which is probably survival behavior learned from growing up in a crazy family. It feels like you will actually disappear.” — Melody Beattie

“No one wants to rattle the cage of a “crazy” person whose family tends to snap.” — Nicole Gulla

“Where to look if you’ve lost your mind?” — Bernard Malamud

“We are all born crazy. Some of us remain that way.” — Samuel Beckett

“Ask anyone and they’ll most likely say their family is crazy, and if they don’t say their family is crazy, their friends are crazy. That’s because everyone is crazy after taking the mask off. People are most themselves when not really trying to fit in, when either alone or around those already closest to them, and that is crazy.” — Criss Jami

“Looks like my crazy family Is down one crazy daughter cause I’m shipwrecked in a desert that Once was underwent just Looking for a swift turn of phrase Some colors to fly As I float by In the parade.” — Ani DiFranco

“If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you’ll be going, ‘you know, we’re alright. We are dang near royalty.” — Jeff Foxworthy

Funny Inspirational Family Quotes

These funny inspirational family quotes from our full list of Inspirational Family Quotes will make you smile. And if you like inspirational quotes, you should check out our lists of Short Inspirational Quotes, Inspirational Morning Quotes, Inspirational Quotes for Today, Funny Inspirational Quotes and Inspirational Quotes for Work.

“The family is one of nature’s masterpieces.” — George Santayana

“Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family.” — Anthony Brandt

“In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future.” — Alex Haley

“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.” — Buddy Hackett

“You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.” — Desmond Tutu

“To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there.” — Barbara Bush

“Family is a lifejacket in the stormy sea of life.” – J.K. Rowling

Wildflowers and mountains with inspiring family quotes by Rowling

“The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works, is the family.” — Lee Iacocca

“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.” — Ugo Betti

“The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.” — Bill Vaughan

“All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” — Leo Tolstoy

“Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It’s too controversial.” — Erma Bombeck

“If the family were a fruit, it would be an orange, a circle of sections, held together but separable – each segment distinct.” — Letty Cottin Pogrebin

“Family faces are magic mirrors. Looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present and future.” — Gail Buckley

“You don’t have to be defined or confined by your environment, by your family circumstances, and certainly not by your race or gender.” — Mariah Carey

“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?” — Jeff Lindsay

Beach and ocean with funny inspirational quotes on family

“Like all the best families, we have our share of eccentricities, of impetuous and wayward youngsters, and of family disagreements.” — Queen Elizabeth II

“The family – that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to.” — Dodie Smith

“The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf.” — Bertrand Russell

“We were a very funny family. Humour was the tool with which my brother and I tried to get attention. We were always trying to be the funniest.” — Meg Cabot

“To put the world in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order; we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right.” — Confucius

“Family quarrels have a total bitterness unmatched by others. Yet it sometimes happens that they also have a kind of tang, a pleasantness beneath the unpleasantness, based on the tacit understanding that this is not for keeps; that any limb you climb out on will still be there later for you to climb back.” — Mignon McLaughlin

Funny Relatives Quotes

Have a good laugh with these funny relatives quotes.

“Nothing like watching your relatives fight, I always say.” — Rick Riordan

“I had no blood relatives till I made some.” — Andy Dick

“One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.” — Euripides

“Fate chooses our relatives, we choose our friends.” — Jacques Delille

“Everything is relative except relatives, and they are absolute.” — Alfred Stieglitz

“I enjoy slaughtering beasts, and I think of my relatives constantly.” — Roger Zelazny

Family on dock at sunset with funny relatives quotes by Zelazny

“Never stay with friends or relatives. You end up living on their schedules.” — Jamie Farr

“When in doubt, you bring in relatives. Nepotism is a part of my work.” — Garry Marshall

“Feel what you feel, know what you know, and set your relatives free to do the same.” — Melody Beattie

“I’ve never been a fan of loans between relatives or friends. They can divide relationships.” — Jean Chatzky

“Eating well, being around the table with the family or friends or relatives – it doesn’t get any better.” — Lidia Bastianich

“When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.” — George Bernard Shaw

“We want to do one thing and do it really well. For us, that’s communications between people who are friends and relatives.” — Jan Koum

“Blood relatives often have nothing to do with family, and similarly, family is about who you choose to make your life with.” — Oliver Hudson

“Some people are your relatives but others are your ancestors, and you choose the ones you want to have as ancestors. You create yourself out of those values.” — Ralph Ellison

“Nobody has ever before asked the nuclear family to live all by itself in a box the way we do. With no relatives, no support, we’ve put it in an impossible situation.” — Margaret Mead

Family Fun Quotes

These family fun quotes will brighten up your day.

“In time of test, family is best.” — Burmese Proverb

“Family is not an important thing. It’s everything.” — Michael J. Fox

“A family reunion is an effective form of birth control.” – Robert A. Heinlein

“Remember as far as anyone knows we’re a nice, normal family.” — Homer Simpson

“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.” — Fred Allen

Family on beach with family fun quots by Allen

“I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business.” — Wanda Sykes

“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.” — Buddy Hackett

“Bleeding ulcers run in my family. We give them to each other.” — Lois McMaster Bujold

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close – knit family in another city.” — George Burns

“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.” — George Bernard Shaw

“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.” — Ogden Nash

“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.” — Jerry Seinfeld

“The informality of family life is a blessed condition that allows us all to become our best while looking our worst.” — Marge Kennedy

“I can get up in the morning and look myself in the mirror and my family can look at me too and that’s all that matters.” — Lance Armstrong

“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long—term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.” — Chelsea Handler

“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or -wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.” — Delia Ephron

Funny Quotes on Family and Friends

Here are funny quotes on family and friends that are sure to make you laugh. You might also like our lists of Best Friend Quotes, True Friendship Quotes and Short Friendship Quotes.

“Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.” — Tennessee Williams

“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.” — Linda Grayson

“A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.” — Arnold H. Glasgow

“Life is an awful, ugly place to not have a best friend.” ― Sarah Dessen

“It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.” — Marlene Dietrich

Two drinks from above with short funny friendship quotes by Marlene Dietrich

“Friends are the siblings God never gave us.” — Mencius

If you like this quote you might like our list of Funny Sibling Quotes.

“A friend can tell you things you don’t want to tell yourself.” — Frances Ward Weller

“Friends are the family you choose.” — Jess C. Scott

“You have to have one person in your life that you know would never do anything to steer you wrong. They may disagree with you. They could even break your heart, from time to time. But you have to have one person, at least, who you know will always tell you the truth. You need one person who, when the shit hits the fan, grabs your stuff, throws it in the suitcase, and gets you away from the Italian prince.” ― Taylor Jenkins Reid

“Only when you are in trouble do you realize who your true friends are… And, my dear, you will be surprised!” ― Charbel Tadros

“You know that you’re a true friend when somebody says “But what about that wart on the end of his nose?” and your honest response is “What wart?”. You see true friends accept you for what you are, wart and all.” ― Jeffrey Michael

Funny Family Quotes for the Holidays

We love these funny family quotes for the holidays. Then check out our lists of Thanksgiving Quotes for Family and Christmas Family Quotes for more.

“For those of you who cannot be with family this Thanksgiving, please resist the urge to brag.” — Andy Borowitz

“I like football. I find it an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.” — Craig Ferguson

“I’m looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family.” — Damien Fahey

“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.” — Erma Bombeck

Orange Pumpkins in a row with short funny Thanksgiving Quotes for Instagram by Erma Bombeck

“After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.” — Oscar Wilde

“Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home.” — Melanie White

“There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.” — Jerry Seinfeld

“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” — Larry Wilde

“A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn’t get into a single argument all day.” — Melanie White

“Christmas is a box of tree ornaments that have become part of the family.” — Charles M. Schulz

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” — Victor Borge

Ornaments with funny Christmas quotes about family by Victor Borge

“It’s that special time of year when your whole family gathers together in one place to look at their cellphones.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even if you’re home.” — Carol Nelson

“My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.” — Melanie White

“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” — Kin Hubbard

Funny Family Sayings

Check out these funny family sayings that we don’t know who said first. You might also like our list of Funny Sayings.

“In our family, normal is so overrated.”

“My family is temperamental. Half temper, half mental.”

“We are more than family. We are like a really small gang.”  

“Our family is just one tent away from a full—blown Circus.”

“Pets are like family, except you actually get to choose them.”

“Family: A little bit of crazy, a little bit of loud and a whole lot of love.”

“Our family’s favorite pastime is trying to convince others we are normal.”

“In my family, crazy doesn’t skip a generation.”

Family on bikes with funny short family sayings

“Your family’s love is the rock that holds you steady during the storm.”

“You can not choose your family, but you can ignore their phone calls!”

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close—knit family in another city.”

“Good News: The holidays are about family. Bad News: It has to be your own family.”

“I smile because you’re my family…. I laugh because there’s nothing you can do about it!”

“I saw a store that has a sign that reads “We treat you like family!” Yup, not going in there.”

“Family is like pizza. It’s messy, might give you a stomachache, and you can’t get enough of it.”

“When neighbors see my extended family all get together, they think, “Welp, there goes the neighborhood.”

“Families are like fudge – mostly sweet, with a few nuts.”

Volcano at sunset with funny family sayings

“Strangers think I’m great. My friends think I’m eccentric. My family knows that I am completely insane!”

“If you want to call a family meeting, just turn off the Wi—Fi router and wait in the room in which it is located.”

“The LEE family has really been stressing me out! Perhaps know them? Emotional Lee, Mental Lee, Physical Lee and lets not forget, Financial Lee!”

“We’re loud and proud; when we get together there’s a crowd. When it comes to my extended family, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

Short Funny Family Sayings

You’ll love these short funny family sayings.

“This family is sassy, not classy.”

“Family is the heart of a home.”

“Our shared family trait is crazy.”

Family holding hands with short funny family sayings

“It only takes two to make a family.”

“Some call it chaos we call it family.”

“This family is stuck with glue and DNA.”

“The bigger the family, the greater the crazy.”

“Caller ID was invented for family screening.”

“I could never leave my family, they’d find me.”

“Family gives you the roots to stand tall and strong.”

“Well, that escalated quickly” is our family motto.”        

“The bigger your family, the bigger your problems.”

“FAMILY: We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.”

FAmily on beach with short family sayings

“Family is like that annoying itch you can’t scratch.”

“If you think I’m crazy wait till you meet my family.”

“This family is one clown short of a three—ring circus.”

“Family is a gift that came without a receipt. No takebacks.”

“You cannot choose your family, but you can send them to voicemail.”

“This family runs on love, laughter, and several Happy Meals a week.”

“So glad this family is on my side, because they would make terrifying enemies.”

Well, that’s our list! We hope we’ve helped you find the best funny family quote you were looking for.

For funny quotes about each day of the week, head to Funny Monday Quotes, Funny Tuesday Quotes, Funny Wednesday Quotes, Funny Thursday Quotes, Funny Friday Quotes, Funny Saturday Quotes, and Funny Sunday Quotes.

If you have a favorite funny family quote we missed, please let us know in the comments.

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Family on beach

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