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Funny Halloween Quotes and Sayings for 2022

Halloween is one of the best parts of the year. The air is crisp, the leaves are changing and its time to carve pumpkins, decorate, find the best costume and enjoy. We have scoured the internet to gather a list of the best funny Halloween quotes. We have included short funny Halloween quotes for Instagram, funny Halloween sayings, funny Halloween tombstone sayings, funny Halloween captions, funny Halloween puns and funny pumpkin quotes and captions.

Whether you are looking for a funny quote about Halloween to make you chuckle, a caption for your Halloween post or pics or to add some humor to your decorations you will find what you are looking for here.

Jump ahead to your favorite category or just start scrolling to find your favorite funny quotes about Halloween.

Funny Halloween Quotes

Here are our favorite funny Halloween quotes. Find out which of these funny quotes for Halloween makes you laugh the most.

“Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, ‘Never take candy from strangers.’ And then they dressed me up and said, ‘Go beg for it.’ I didn’t know what to do! I’d knock on people’s doors and go, ‘Trick or treat…No, thank you.'” —Rita Rudner

Halloween decorations with funny Halloween Quotes by Rita Rudner

“On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.” – Rodney Dangerfield

“Dear Great Pumpkin, Halloween is now only a few days away. Children all over the world await you coming. When you rise out of the pumpkin patch that night, please remember I am your most loyal follower. Have a nice trip. Don’t forget to take out flight insurance.” – Linus

“Wench! Trollop! You bucktoothed, mop-riding firefly from hell!” – Billy Butcherson, Hocus Pocus

“I dropped the candies into the children’s bags, thinking: You small mortals don’t realize the power of your stories.” – Karen Russell, Vampires in the Lemon Grove

“He had arranged the arms and legs in letters, and the letters spelled out a single small word: BOO. The three torsos were carefully arranged below the BOO in a quarter-circle, making a cute little Halloween smile. What a scamp.” – Jeff Lindsay, Darkly Dreaming Dexter

“The witches fly, Across the sky,The owls go, ‘Who? Who? Who?’ The black cats yowl, And green ghosts howl, ‘Scary Halloween to you!'” – Nina Willis Walter

“From ghoulies and ghosties and long-leggedy beasties and things that go bump in the night, Good Lord, deliver us!” – Scottish Saying

“I love Halloween, and I love that feeling: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking around the corner.” -Evan Peters

Spider web with a funny Halloween quotes by Evan Peters

“There is a child in every one of us who is still a trick-or-treater looking for a brightly-lit front porch.” – Robert Brault

“Halloween is huge in my house and we really get into the ‘spirits’ of things.” – Dee Snider

“This Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him.” – Conan O’Brien

“Shadows of a thousand years rise again unseen. Voices whisper in the trees, ‘Tonight is Halloween!’” – Dexter Kozen

“Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.” – William Shakespeare, Macbeth

“We make up horrors to help us cope with the real ones.” – Stephen King

“Halloween shadows played upon the walls of the houses. In the sky the Halloween moon raced in and out of the clouds. The Halloween wind was blowing, not a blasting of wind but a right-sized swelling, falling, and gushing of wind. It was a lovely and exciting night, exactly the kind of night Halloween should be.” – Eleanor Estes, The Witch Family

“I see my face in the mirror and go, ‘I’m a Halloween costume? That’s what they think of me?’ ” – Drew Carey

“A person should always choose a costume which is in direct contrast to her own personality.” – Lucy Van Pelt, It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

“Magic is really very simple, all you’ve got to do is want something and then let yourself have it.” – Aggie Cromwell, Halloweentown

“I’ve seen enough horror movies to know that any weirdo wearing a mask is never friendly.” – Elizabeth, Friday the 13th

“Halloween wraps fear in innocence, as though it were a slightly sour sweet. Let terror, then, be turned into a treat… ” – Nicholas Gordon

“If human beings had genuine courage, they’d wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween.” – Douglas Copeland

“Halloween is not only about putting on a costume, but it’s about finding the imagination and costume within ourselves.” – Elvis Duran

“By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes.” – William Shakespeare, Macbeth

“‘Tis the night—the night of the graves delight and the warlocks are at their play; Ye think that without the wild winds shout, but no, it is they—it is they.” – Arthur Cleveland Coxe

“On Halloween, witches come true; wild ghosts escape from dreams. Each monster dances in the park.” -Nicholas Gordon

Short Funny Halloween Quotes for Instagram

If you are looking for short funny Halloween quotes for Instagram this section is for you.

“Sticky fingers, tired feet; one last house, trick or treat!” – Rusty Fischer

“Believe nothing you hear, and only one half that you see.” – Edgar Allan Poe

“Where there is no imagination there is no horror.” – Arthur Conan Doyle

“Never trust the living.” – Beetlejuice

Moon through clouds and tree branches with a short funny Halloween Quotes for Instagram that says never trust the living

“If you’ve got it, haunt it.” – Rose Pressey

“Clothes make a statement. Costumes tell a story.” – Mason Cooley

“I would die for her. I would kill for her. Either way, what bliss.” – Gomez, The Addams Family

“I see dead people.” – The Sixth Sense

“Halloween is an opportunity to be really creative.” – Judy Gold

“Listen to them—the children of the night. What music they make!” – Bram Stoker

“I put a spell on you because you’re mine.”- Jay Hawkins

“Things are never quite as scary when you’ve got a best friend.” – Bill Waterson

“I’m wicked through and through.” – Elphaba, Wicked

“It’s all just a bunch of hocus pocus.” – Max, Hocus Pocus

“There’s only 365 days left until next Halloween!” – The Nightmare Before Christmas

“Where my ghouls at?” – Monster High

“They’re creepy and they’re kooky, mysterious, and spooky.” – Andrew Gold

“I’m a mouse, duh.” – Mean Girls

“We have had our summer evenings, now for October eves!” – Humbert Wolfe

“On Halloween you get to become anything that you want to be.” – Ava Dellaria

“I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.” – L.M. Montgomery

“It’s alive!” – Frankenstein

“It’s Halloween; everyone’s entitled to one good scare.” – Brackett, Halloween

“That’s the problem. He was dead to begin with.” – Ichabod Crane, Sleepy Hollow

“There is nothing that gives more assurance than a mask.” – Collette

“Be afraid, be very afraid.” – Ronnie, The Fly

“Nothing on Earth so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night.” – Steve Almond

Lit jacko'lantern with a short funny halloween quotes for Instagram by Steve Almond

“I’m friends with the monster that’s under my bed.” – Rihanna

“I’m a homicidal maniac. They look just like everyone else.” – Wednesday Addams, The Addams Family

“Every day is Halloween, isn’t it? For some of us.” – Tim Burton

“I’ll stop wearing black when they make a darker color.” – Wednesday Addams, The Addams Family

“A mask tells us more than a face.” – Oscar Wilde, Irish Poet

“It’s a full moon tonight. That’s why all the weirdos are out.” – Dani, Hocus Pocus

“Werewolves howl. Phantoms prowl. Halloween’s upon us now.” – Richelle E. Goodrich

“Well, fancy! We desire children.” – Winifred Sanderson, Hocus Pocus

“It reeks of children!” – Mary Sanderson, Hocus Pocus

“Have you come to sing pumpkin carols?” – Linus, It’s the Great Pumpkin

Funny Halloween Sayings

There are funny Halloween sayings that are so popular that no one knows who said them first. Scroll through these funny sayings about Halloween and find your favorite.

“During the day, I don’t believe in ghosts. At night, I’m a little more open-minded.”

“I’ll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.”

“Witch parking. All others will be toad.”

“Not every witch lives in Salem.”

“Trick or treat, bag of sweets, ghosts are walking down the street.”

“The dead rise again, bats fly, terror strikes and screams echo, for tonight it’s Halloween.”

A skull under a hood with a funny Halloween sayings

“When the witches go riding, and black cats are seen, the moon laughs and whispers ’tis near Halloween.”

“I’m a witch every day. Not just for Halloween.”

“Hocus pocus. Time to focus.”

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself… and spiders.”

“Witch and ghost make merry on this last of dear October days.”

“There is magic in the night when pumpkins glow by moonlight.”

Funny Halloween Tombstone Sayings

Here are our favorite funny Tombstone sayings for Halloween. Perfect for your spooky and amusing Halloween decorations.

Beneath this stone my wife doth lie. Now she’s at rest and so am I.

Here lies the body of Lester Moore. Three slugs from a forty-four. No Les, no more.

Moon and a cross at a graveyard with a funny Halloween tombstone sayings

Here Lies Mozart. Decomposing

Here Lies Our Beloved Randy. Kicked the Bucket From Too Much Candy.

Shot in the head by a golfer’s gun. He sure put a hole in Juan!

Too much candy made Billy burst. They boxed up the pieces in the hearse.

William Gunder, Made one little blunder, Now he’s six feet under

Funny Halloween Captions

Sometimes all you are looking for are some funny Halloween captions for your amazing Halloween pics. Here are our favorites from our full list of Funny Halloween Captions.

Ghouls just wanna have fun!

This witch can be bribed with chocolate

Swish swish, witch

Witch hat on fall leaves with a funny Halloween captions that says swish, swish, witch

What’s up, witches?

Ghostest with the mostest

No tricks, just treats!

Keep calm and scare on

Don’t make me get the flying monkeys

Had a bloody good Halloween

Something wicked this way comes

Eat, drink, and be scary

We had a fang-tastic time!

Have a spooktacular night

Too cute to spook

Boo from the crew

Person in ghost costume and funny Halloween captions that reads boo from the crew

Everything’s better with a little magic

Creature feature

Trick or treat yo’ self

Here for the boos

Funny Halloween Puns

Who doesn’t like a good pun? Here are our favorite funny Halloween puns that work great as a caption.

Witchful thinking

Happy Howl-oween

A real witch is nothing without her ghoul friends

Ready, set, ghoul!

Absolutely fa-boo-lous

Ghouls just wanna have fun

Two people dressed as ghosts with funny halloween puns that says ghould just wanna have fun

Happy Hollow-ween!

Creepin’ it real

Howl you doin’, good lookin’?

My costume is eerie-sistible

Having a howling good time!

Be-witcha in a second!

Looking brew-tiful tonight!

Funny Pumpkin Quotes and Captions

We have a whole list of Perfect Pumpkin Captions and Quotes and these are the best funny pumpkin quotes and captions of the bunch.

“I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself than be crowded on a velvet cushion.” — Henry David Thoreau

“I don’t see how a pumpkin patch could be more sincere than this one.” —It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

“I’d say the first thing you need is … a pumpkin.” —Cinderella

“I tromped through the pumpkin patch.” —The Nightmare Before Christmas

“If you’re ever wondering what to wear, just dress like a pumpkin, you’re good to go. — Devendra Banhart

“Only the knife knows what goes on in the heart of a pumpkin.”— Simone Schwarz-Bart

“Let’s be honest: you can’t celebrate fall without it’s leading role: pumpkin!” — Rachel Hollis

“Once a pumpkin, Always a pumpkin.” — Billy Corgan

“Pumpkin spice lattes are egg nog for morning people.” — John Oliver

Cutest pumpkins in the patch

Pumped for pumpkins!

Field of pumpkins at sunset with a pumpkin field captions that reads pumped for pumpkins

Pumpkin kisses and harvest wishes

There’s a new pumpkin in the patch!

Let’s give ’em pumpkin to talk about

Time flies when you’re having pum-pkin

Chilling with the cutest little pumpkins

Pumpkin season has begun

Get yourself a pumpkin. It will never ghost you

I’m no Cinderella, but I know that pumpkins are magical

One pumpkin a day keeps the witches away

I’ve never met a pumpkin I didn’t like

Funny Fall Quotes and Captions

Halloween and fall go hand in hand. Here are some of our favorite funny fall quotes and captions from our list of Best Fall Quotes and Sayings, Short Fall Quotes and Perfect Fall Captions.

“Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.” — David Letterman

“No shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees, no fruits, no flowers, no leaves, no birds — November!” — Thomas Hood

“Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.” — Albert Camus

“It’s like going back to school. You know, autumn! Time for ‘Harry Potter’.” — Robbie Coltrane

Trees with yellow leaves and a funny fall quotes by Robbie Coltrane

“Why is summer mist romantic and autumn mist just sad?” — Dodie Smith, I Capture the Castle

“Autumn is the hardest season. The leaves are all falling, and they’re falling like they’re falling in love with the ground.” – Andrea Gibson

“October gave a party; The leaves by hundreds came, The Chestnuts, Oaks, and Maples, And leaves of every name. The Sunshine spread a carpet, And everything was grand, Miss Weather led the dancing, Professor Wind the band.” – George Cooper

“Bittersweet October. The mellow, messy, leaf-kicking, perfect pause between the opposing miseries of summer and winter.” – Carol Bishop Hipps

Pumpkin spice and everything nice

Pumpkin, bale of hay and wagon wheel with a fall selfie captions that reads pumpkin spice and everything nice

Tea and fuzzy socks season

These colors are unbe-leaf-able!

Stressed, blessed, pumpkin obsessed

Fall foliage is my favorite color

Happy fall, y’all!

Don’t stop be-leafing

Four red canadian leaves held in a hand with a funny fall captions that reads don't stop be-leafing

Fall’s well that ends well

So that’s our list. We hope you found the funny quotes on Halloween you were looking for.

Let us know in the comments below if we missed a funny Halloween quote that should be added.

If you like funny quotes you might also like our Funny Winter Quotes, Funny Thanksgiving Captions, Funny Hiking Quotes, and Funny Mountain Quotes.

And Thanksgiving is coming soon! Check out our lists of Funny Thanksgiving Captions, Best Thanksgiving Captions and Funny Thanksgiving Quotes. And for when Christmas rolls around we have a list of Funny Christmas Captions, Perfect Christmas Captions, Short Christmas Quotes and Christmas Tree Captions.

Pin it for Later!

Other quotes lists that you may be interested in:

Short Christmas Quotes and Sayings

Thanksgiving Captions

Sunflower Quotes

Camping Quotes

Fishing Quotes

40 Short Nature Quotes: Inspirational Thoughts on Nature

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