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Funny Halloween Quotes and Sayings

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Halloween is one of the best parts of the year. The air is crisp, the leaves are changing and its time to carve pumpkins, decorate, find the best costume and enjoy. We have scoured the internet to gather a list of the best funny Halloween quotes because we think that when it comes to Halloween quotes funny ones are the best. We have included cute funny quotes for Halloween, short funny Halloween quotes for Instagram, funny Halloween sayings, funny Halloween tombstone sayings, and funny Halloween puns.

Whether you are looking for a funny quote about Halloween to make you chuckle, a caption for your Halloween post or pics or to add some humor to your decorations you will find what you are looking for here.

If you like these hilarious Halloween quotes check out our lists of:

Jump ahead to your favorite category or just start scrolling to find your favorite funny quotes about Halloween.

Funny Halloween Quotes

Here are our favorite funny Halloween quotes. Find out which of these funny quotes on Halloween makes you laugh the most.

“Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, ‘Never take candy from strangers.’ And then they dressed me up and said, ‘Go beg for it.’ I didn’t know what to do! I’d knock on people’s doors and go, ‘Trick or treat…No, thank you.'” —Rita Rudner

Halloween decorations with funny Halloween Quotes by Rita Rudner

“On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.” – Rodney Dangerfield

“Dear Great Pumpkin, Halloween is now only a few days away. Children all over the world await you coming. When you rise out of the pumpkin patch that night, please remember I am your most loyal follower. Have a nice trip. Don’t forget to take out flight insurance.” – Linus

“Wench! Trollop! You bucktoothed, mop-riding firefly from hell!” – Billy Butcherson, Hocus Pocus

“I dropped the candies into the children’s bags, thinking: You small mortals don’t realize the power of your stories.” – Karen Russell, Vampires in the Lemon Grove

“He had arranged the arms and legs in letters, and the letters spelled out a single small word: BOO. The three torsos were carefully arranged below the BOO in a quarter-circle, making a cute little Halloween smile. What a scamp.” – Jeff Lindsay, Darkly Dreaming Dexter

“I love Halloween, and I love that feeling: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking around the corner.” -Evan Peters

Spider web with a funny Halloween quotes by Evan Peters

“The witches fly, Across the sky,The owls go, ‘Who? Who? Who?’ The black cats yowl, And green ghosts howl, ‘Scary Halloween to you!'” – Nina Willis Walter

“From ghoulies and ghosties and long-leggedy beasties and things that go bump in the night, Good Lord, deliver us!” – Scottish Saying

“I might play with my cat and then go trick people to death.” — Scott Holstad

“There is a child in every one of us who is still a trick-or-treater looking for a brightly-lit front porch.” – Robert Brault

“Halloween is huge in my house and we really get into the ‘spirits’ of things.” – Dee Snider

“This Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him.” – Conan O’Brien

“Must be the season of the witch.” — Donovan

Cauldron with funny witch Instagram quotes by Shakespeare

“Relax, it’s only magic.” — Sarah Bailey

“In the sky the Halloween moon raced in and out of the clouds. The Halloween wind was blowing, not a blasting of wind but a right-sized swelling, falling, and gushing of wind. It was a lovely and exciting night, exactly the kind of night Halloween should be.” – Eleanor Estes

“Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win.” – Stephen King

“Shadows of a thousand years rise again unseen. Voices whisper in the trees, ‘Tonight is Halloween!’” – Dexter Kozen

“Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.” – William Shakespeare, Macbeth

“We make up horrors to help us cope with the real ones.” – Stephen King

Cute Funny Quotes for Halloween

Check out these cute funny quotes for Halloween. You might also like our list of Short Cute Quotes.

“I see my face in the mirror and go, ‘I’m a Halloween costume? That’s what they think of me?’ ” – Drew Carey

“Halloween shadows played upon the walls of the houses.” – Eleanor Estes

Carved pumpkins with Halloween quotes for October by Estes

“A person should always choose a costume which is in direct contrast to her own personality.” – Lucy Van Pelt, It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

“Magic is really very simple, all you’ve got to do is want something and then let yourself have it.” – Aggie Cromwell, Halloweentown

“I’ve seen enough horror movies to know that any weirdo wearing a mask is never friendly.” – Elizabeth, Friday the 13th

“Halloween wraps fear in innocence, as though it were a slightly sour sweet. Let terror, then, be turned into a treat… ” – Nicholas Gordon

“If human beings had genuine courage, they’d wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween.” – Douglas Copeland

“When the witches went waltzing.” – Linda Williams

Orange moon with cute funny quotes for Halloween

“Halloween is not only about putting on a costume, but it’s about finding the imagination and costume within ourselves.” – Elvis Duran

“I am a witch. A real house-haunting, broom-riding, cauldron-stirring witch.” —Samantha

“By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes.” – William Shakespeare, Macbeth

“‘Tis the night—the night of the graves delight and the warlocks are at their play; Ye think that without the wild winds shout, but no, it is they—it is they.” – Arthur Cleveland Coxe

“On Halloween, witches come true; wild ghosts escape from dreams. Each monster dances in the park.” -Nicholas Gordon

Ghosts with funny ghost Instagram Halloween quotes by Trainor

“I like to say I believe in ghosts so I don’t get haunted by one.” – Ella Henderson

“Witches don’t look like anything. Witches are. Witches do.” – Franny Billingsley

“I put a spell on you. Because you’re mine.” — Annie Lennox

“I want you to know that if I can’t be close to you, I’ll settle for the ghost of you.” — Justin Bieber, “Ghost”

Short Funny Halloween Quotes for Instagram

If you are looking for short funny Halloween quotes for Instagram this section is for you. Check out our list of Short Halloween Quotes for more. If you like short quotes check out our lists of Short Inspirational Quotes, Short Quotes About Life, Short Positive Quotes, Short Deep Quotes, Funny Short Quotes, Short Cute Quotes, Short Friendship Quotes, Short Quotes About Change, Short Travel Quotes and Best Short Quotes.

“Sticky fingers, tired feet; one last house, trick or treat!” – Rusty Fischer

“Believe nothing you hear, and only one half that you see.” – Edgar Allan Poe

“Where there is no imagination there is no horror.” – Arthur Conan Doyle

“Never trust the living.” – Beetlejuice

Moon through clouds and tree branches with a short funny Halloween Quotes for Instagram that says never trust the living

“If you’ve got it, haunt it.” – Rose Pressey

“Clothes make a statement. Costumes tell a story.” – Mason Cooley

“I would die for her. I would kill for her. Either way, what bliss.” – Gomez, The Addams Family

“I see dead people.” – The Sixth Sense

“There’s a little witch in all of us.” — Aunt Jet Owens

“Halloween is an opportunity to be really creative.” – Judy Gold

“Listen to them—the children of the night. What music they make!” – Bram Stoker

“I put a spell on you because you’re mine.”- Jay Hawkins

Spooky path with short cute Halloween quotes by Hawkins

“Things are never quite as scary when you’ve got a best friend.” – Bill Waterson

“I’m wicked through and through.” – Elphaba, Wicked

“It’s all just a bunch of hocus pocus.” – Max, Hocus Pocus

“There’s only 365 days left until next Halloween!” – The Nightmare Before Christmas

“Where my ghouls at?” – Monster High

“They’re creepy and they’re kooky, mysterious, and spooky.” – Andrew Gold

“Whatever you do, don’t fall asleep.” – A Nightmare on Elm Street

Spooky road with scary and short quotes on Halloween

“I’m a mouse, duh.” – Mean Girls

“We have had our summer evenings, now for October eves!” – Humbert Wolfe

“On Halloween you get to become anything that you want to be.” – Ava Dellaria

“I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.” – L.M. Montgomery

“It’s alive!” – Frankenstein

“We’re just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me.” — Harry Styles, “Two Ghosts”

Crypt with a funny short vampire Halloween quotes for Instagram from What We do in the Shadows

“Ghosts, like ladies, never speak till spoke to.” – Richard Harris Barham

“One thing vampire children are taught is, never run with a wooden stake.” — Jack Handy, ‘Deep Thoughts’

“He was like Superman, but with fangs and oddly impaired morals.” — Patricia Briggs

Clever Funny Quotes About Halloween

You’ll love these clever funny quotes about Halloween.

“It’s Halloween; everyone’s entitled to one good scare.” – Brackett, Halloween

“That’s the problem. He was dead to begin with.” – Ichabod Crane, Sleepy Hollow

“There is nothing that gives more assurance than a mask.” – Collette

“No blood, no foul.” ― Stephenie Meyer, Twilight

“Be afraid, be very afraid.” – Ronnie, The Fly

“Nothing on Earth so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night.” – Steve Almond

Lit jacko'lantern with a funny quotes about halloween by Steve Almond

“I’m friends with the monster that’s under my bed.” – Rihanna

“I’m a homicidal maniac. They look just like everyone else.” – Wednesday Addams, The Addams Family

“Every day is Halloween, isn’t it? For some of us.” – Tim Burton

“I’ll stop wearing black when they make a darker color.” – Wednesday Addams, The Addams Family

“A mask tells us more than a face.” – Oscar Wilde, Irish Poet

“It’s a full moon tonight. That’s why all the weirdos are out.” – Dani, Hocus Pocus

“Werewolves howl. Phantoms prowl. Halloween’s upon us now.” – Richelle E. Goodrich

Person with funny Barbie Instagram Halloween quotes by Chyna

“Well, fancy! We desire children.” – Winifred Sanderson, Hocus Pocus

“It reeks of children!” – Mary Sanderson, Hocus Pocus

“Have you come to sing pumpkin carols?” – Linus, It’s the Great Pumpkin

“Something wicked this way comes.” — William Shakespeare

“Witches were a bit like cats. They didn’t much like one another’s company, but they did like to know where all the other witches were, just in case they needed them.” ― Terry Pratchett

Funny Halloween Sayings

There are funny Halloween sayings that are so popular that no one knows who said them first. Scroll through these funny sayings about Halloween and find your favorite. Check out our list of Halloween Sayings.

“During the day, I don’t believe in ghosts. At night, I’m a little more open-minded.”

“I’ll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.”

“Witch parking. All others will be toad.”

“Not every witch lives in Salem.”

“Trick or treat, bag of sweets, ghosts are walking down the street.”

“The dead rise again, bats fly, terror strikes and screams echo, for tonight it’s Halloween.”

A skull under a hood with a funny Halloween sayings

“When the witches go riding, and black cats are seen, the moon laughs and whispers ’tis near Halloween.”

“I’m a witch every day. Not just for Halloween.”

“Hocus pocus. Time to focus.”

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself… and spiders.”

“Witch and ghost make merry on this last of dear October days.”

“There is magic in the night when pumpkins glow by moonlight.”

Funny Halloween Tombstone Sayings

Here are our favorite funny Tombstone sayings for Halloween. Perfect for your spooky and amusing Halloween decorations.

Beneath this stone my wife doth lie. Now she’s at rest and so am I.

Here lies the body of Lester Moore. Three slugs from a forty-four. No Les, no more.

Moon and a cross at a graveyard with a funny Halloween tombstone sayings

Here Lies Mozart. Decomposing

Here Lies Our Beloved Randy. Kicked the Bucket From Too Much Candy.

Shot in the head by a golfer’s gun. He sure put a hole in Juan!

Too much candy made Billy burst. They boxed up the pieces in the hearse.

William Gunder, Made one little blunder, Now he’s six feet under

Funny Halloween Captions

Sometimes all you are looking for are some funny Halloween captions for your amazing Halloween pics. Here are our favorites from our full list of Funny Halloween Captions.

  • Ghouls just wanna have fun!
  • This witch can be bribed with chocolate
  • Swish swish, witch
Witch hat on fall leaves with a funny Halloween captions that says swish, swish, witch
  • What’s up, witches?
  • Ghostest with the mostest
  • No tricks, just treats!
  • Keep calm and scare on
  • Don’t make me get the flying monkeys
  • Had a bloody good Halloween
  • Something wicked this way comes
  • Eat, drink, and be scary
  • We had a fang-tastic time!
  • Have a spooktacular night
  • Too cute to spook
  • Boo from the crew
Person in ghost costume and funny Halloween captions that reads boo from the crew
  • Everything’s better with a little magic
  • Creature feature
  • Trick or treat yo’ self
  • Here for the boos
  • I have no body to dance with.
  • Came for the party, stayed for the boos.
  • Brrr… it’s cold in here. There must be some spirits in the atmosphere!
  • You can’t scare me I’m a ghost!
  • Had a spooktacular night!
Hat and broom with funny witch captions for couples
  • Keep calm and carry a wand.
  • Can’t trick this treat.
  • Of course, we witches love the BOOs.
  • This is my resting witch face.
  • Nothing much. Just a basic witch.
  • What’s up, my witches?
Full moon with funny vampire captions for halloween
  • I would like to give fangs to all my friends.
  • Sorry, you just seem like my blood type.
  • I’ve got a bat idea.

Funny Halloween Puns

Who doesn’t like a good pun? Here are our favorite funny Halloween puns that work great as a caption.

  • Witchful thinking
  • Happy Howl-oween
  • A real witch is nothing without her ghoul friends
  • Ready, set, ghoul!
  • Absolutely fa-boo-lous
  • Ghouls just wanna have fun
Two people dressed as ghosts with funny halloween puns that says ghould just wanna have fun
  • Happy Hollow-ween!
  • Creepin’ it real
  • Howl you doin’, good lookin’?
  • My costume is eerie-sistible
  • Having a howling good time!
Hat with short puns about witches for Halloween
  • Be-witcha in a second!
  • Looking brew-tiful tonight!

Funny Pumpkin Quotes and Captions

We have a whole list of Perfect Pumpkin Captions and Quotes and these are the best funny pumpkin quotes and captions of the bunch.

“I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself than be crowded on a velvet cushion.” — Henry David Thoreau

“I don’t see how a pumpkin patch could be more sincere than this one.” —It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

“I’d say the first thing you need is … a pumpkin.” —Cinderella

“I tromped through the pumpkin patch.” —The Nightmare Before Christmas

“If you’re ever wondering what to wear, just dress like a pumpkin, you’re good to go. — Devendra Banhart

“Only the knife knows what goes on in the heart of a pumpkin.”— Simone Schwarz-Bart

“Let’s be honest: you can’t celebrate fall without it’s leading role: pumpkin!” — Rachel Hollis

“Once a pumpkin, Always a pumpkin.” — Billy Corgan

“Pumpkin spice lattes are egg nog for morning people.” — John Oliver

Cutest pumpkins in the patch

Pumped for pumpkins!

Field of pumpkins at sunset with a pumpkin field captions that reads pumped for pumpkins

Pumpkin kisses and harvest wishes

There’s a new pumpkin in the patch!

Let’s give ’em pumpkin to talk about

Time flies when you’re having pum-pkin

Chilling with the cutest little pumpkins

Pumpkin season has begun

Pumpkins with funny pumpkin captions

Get yourself a pumpkin. It will never ghost you

I’m no Cinderella, but I know that pumpkins are magical

One pumpkin a day keeps the witches away

I’ve never met a pumpkin I didn’t like

Funny Fall Quotes and Captions

Halloween and fall go hand in hand. Here are some of our favorite funny fall quotes and captions from our list of Best Fall Quotes and Sayings, Short Fall Quotes and Perfect Fall Captions.

“Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.” — David Letterman

“No shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees, no fruits, no flowers, no leaves, no birds — November!” — Thomas Hood

“Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.” — Albert Camus

“It’s like going back to school. You know, autumn! Time for ‘Harry Potter’.” — Robbie Coltrane

Trees with yellow leaves and a funny fall quotes by Robbie Coltrane

“Why is summer mist romantic and autumn mist just sad?” — Dodie Smith, I Capture the Castle

“Autumn is the hardest season. The leaves are all falling, and they’re falling like they’re falling in love with the ground.” – Andrea Gibson

“October gave a party; The leaves by hundreds came, The Chestnuts, Oaks, and Maples, And leaves of every name. The Sunshine spread a carpet, And everything was grand, Miss Weather led the dancing, Professor Wind the band.” – George Cooper

“Bittersweet October. The mellow, messy, leaf-kicking, perfect pause between the opposing miseries of summer and winter.” – Carol Bishop Hipps

Pumpkin spice and everything nice

Pumpkin, bale of hay and wagon wheel with a fall selfie captions that reads pumpkin spice and everything nice

Tea and fuzzy socks season

These colors are unbe-leaf-able!

Stressed, blessed, pumpkin obsessed

Fall foliage is my favorite color

Happy fall, y’all!

Don’t stop be-leafing

Four red canadian leaves held in a hand with a funny fall captions that reads don't stop be-leafing

Fall’s well that ends well

Funny October Quotes

Here are our favorite funny quotes from our list of Funny October Quotes. You might also like our list of Perfect October Quotes.

“I keep falling in love with October, Over and over again!” ― Charmaine J. Forde

“Listen! The wind is rising, and the air is wild with leaves, we have had our summer evenings, now for October eves.” – Humbert Wolfe

“October knew, of course, that the action of turning a page, of ending a chapter or shutting a book, did not end the tale.” ― Neil Gaiman

“I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers. It would be terrible if we just skipped from September to November, wouldn’t it? Look at these maple branches. Don’t they give you a thrill–several thrills?” ― L.M. Montgomery

“It must be October, the trees are falling away and showing their true colors.” ― Charmaine J Forde

Fall trees and mountains with funny October quotes by Forde

“October, the extravagant sister.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes

“I wish that every day was Saturday and every month was October.” – Charmaine J. Forde

“October, crisp, misty, golden October, when the light is sweet and heavy.” ― Angela Carter

“Anyone could see that the wind was a special wind this night, and the darkness took on a special feel because it was All Hallows’ Eve.” – Ray Bradbury

“You don’t waste October sunshine.” ― Katherine Arden

Yellow larch with short October quotes by Arden

“October proved a riot a riot to the senses and climaxed those giddy last weeks before Halloween.” ― Keith Donohue

“October, baptize me with leaves! Swaddle me in corduroy and nurse me with split pea soup. October, tuck tiny candy bars in my pockets and carve my smile into a thousand pumpkins. O autumn! O teakettle! O grace!” – Rainbow Rowell

“Ah, September! You are the doorway to the season that awakens my soul, but I must confess that I love you only because you are a prelude to my beloved October.” – Peggy Toney Horton

“October has broken my heart before…” ― Nitya Prakash

So that’s our list. We hope you found the funny quotes on Halloween you were looking for.

If you like funny quotes and sayings, you should also check out our lists of Short Funny Quotes, Funny Good Morning QuotesFunny Love QuotesFunny Work QuotesFunny Quotes of the DayFunny Quotes About Life and Funny Inspirational Quotes.

Let us know in the comments below if we missed a funny Halloween quote that should be added.

And Thanksgiving is coming soon! Check out our lists of Funny Thanksgiving Captions, Best Thanksgiving Captions and Funny Thanksgiving Quotes. And for when Christmas rolls around we have a list of Funny Christmas Captions, Perfect Christmas Captions, Short Christmas Quotes and Christmas Tree Captions.

Pin it for Later!

Glowing jacko'lanterns

Other quotes lists that you may be interested in:

Short Christmas Quotes and Sayings

Thanksgiving Captions

Sunflower Quotes

Camping Quotes

Fishing Quotes

40 Short Nature Quotes: Inspirational Thoughts on Nature

2 thoughts on “Funny Halloween Quotes and Sayings”

  1. Hi,
    I’ve actually never recommended a quote to anyone nor would I typically do so for any of mine. However, I’m following up on your invitation to let you know if “we missed a funny Halloween quote that should be added.” I don’t know if this one will be something you’re interested in, but one of my several Halloween quotes has been popular for some years and has appeared in lists from TODAY, MSN, AOL, Yahoo and more. This is it:

    “I might play with my cat and then go trick people to death.” — Scott Holstad, “Shadows Before the Maiming”

    The book, Shadows Before the Maiming, has been available for reading on Google Books for many years.

    BTW, I’ve found many sites out there with hundreds of my quotes on a variety of topics, such as inspirational quotes, nihilism, social justice, cats, self-hatred, abandonment, caffeine, museums, patios, love, nostalgia, Charles Bukowski and many more. If you’re not interested, please disregard this note. If interested in possible topics, you can find many of my quotes on Goodreads and Quotes.net as well as elsewhere, or feel free to contact me. Thanks very much and I appreciate your considering adding my Halloween quote.
    Regards, Scott Holstad

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