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Do you know what I don’t like thinking about? Mondays. If you’re like me and want to start your week on a positive note through some funny Monday quotes, you’ve come to the right place. We think that when it comes to Monday quotes, funny ones are the best and think these quotes which include short Monday funny quotes, funny Monday morning quotes, short funny quotes about Monday morning, funny Monday motivation, sarcastic Monday quotes and sayings, funny Monday work quotes, and funny Monday sayings lift your spirits as the work week starts.
If you’re among those trying to find funny quotes about Mondays and looking for ways to make it a positive Monday for yourself and your team, you might find these funny quotes on Monday helpful.
If you like funny quotes for the days of the week, you should also head over to our lists of Funny Tuesday Quotes, Funny Wednesday Quotes, Funny Thursday Quotes, Funny Friday Quotes, Funny Saturday Quotes, and Funny Sunday Quotes.
You might also like our list of Perfect Monday Quotes.
Skip ahead to the category you want or continue scrolling to find your favorite funny Monday quote.
Funny Monday Quotes
Here are some funny Monday quotes to start your week right. And if you like funny quotes, you might also like our lists of Funny Love Quotes, Funny Life Quotes, Funny Short Quotes, Funny Good Morning Quotes, Funny Quotes of the Day, and Funny Inspirational Quotes.
- “So. Monday. We meet again. We will never be friends – but maybe we can move past our mutual enmity toward a more positive partnership.” ― Julio Alexi Genao
2. “You are in control. Never allow your Monday to be manic.” ― Andrea L’Artiste
3. “Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.” ― Steven Wright
4. “Like the song says, rainy days and Mondays always get ya down.” ― Haruki Murakami
5. “There are no miracles on Mondays.” ― Amy Neftzger
6. “When life gives you Monday, dip it in glitter and sparkle all day.” ― Ella Woodward
7. “Life is like Friday on a soap opera. It gives you the illusion that everything is going to wrap up, and then the same old shit starts up on Monday.” ― Stephen King
8. “I’ve always hated Mondays, the whole lot of them. Too much whiplash, snapping the tired masses to attention. God’s way, perhaps, of reminding us that we are not masters of our fate, no matter how deluded we became during the weekend respite.” ― Jonathan Hull, Losing Julia
Short Monday Funny Quotes
Laugh your way through the week with these short Monday funny quotes. If you like short quotes check out our lists of Short Inspirational Quotes, Short Quotes About Life, Short Positive Quotes, Short Deep Quotes, Funny Short Quotes, Short Cute Quotes, Short Friendship Quotes, Short Quotes About Change, Short Travel Quotes and Best Short Quotes.
9. “Don’t mess with anybody on a Monday. It’s a bad, bad day.” ― Louise Fitzhugh
10. “Candy is nature’s way of making up for Mondays.” ― Rebecca Gober
11. “I don’t like Mondays, especially if they occur on Fridays.” ― Jarod Kintz
12. “Everyday is Monday….till Friday.” ― Viktor VolksPrater
13. “Your Monday is not going to be like Saturday; the emotions are going to be different.” ― Jean Grae
14. “Monday is for people with a mission.” ― Christina Imre
15. “If each day is a gift, I’d like to know where to return Mondays!” ― John Wagner
16. “There isn’t a Monday that would not cede its place to Tuesday.” ― Anton Chekhov
17. “Mondays are mundane, like Tuesdays minus 24 hours.” ― Jarod Kintz
18. “Monday is great for becoming too busy to die.” ― Roy Station
Funny Monday Morning Quotes
19. “The awfulness of Monday mornings is the world’s greatest common denominator.” ― Kenneth Fearing
20. “There are two tests in life, more important than any other test. On Monday morning, when you wake up, do you feel in the pit of your stomach you can’t wait to go to work? And when you’re ready to go home Friday afternoon, do you say, ‘I can’t wait to go home?’” ― Chuck Schumer
21. “Everyone wants me to be a morning person. I could be one, only if morning began after noon.” — Tony Smite
22. “On Monday mornings, I am dedicated to the proposition that all men have created jerks.” ― H. Allen Smith
23. “Monday isn’t that bad to be honest, What makes it bad is living in it.” ― Day
24. “Don’t let the Monday morning quarterbacks stop you from being bold. You’ve got to set a high bar.” ― Antonio Villaraigosa
25. “Birds scream at the top of their lungs in horrified hellish rage every morning at daybreak to warn us all of the truth, but sadly we don’t speak bird.” — Kurt Cobain
26. “I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up.” — Benjamin Franklin
27. “By and large I think art is made by people who have discipline married to talent in sufficiently large amounts to work even if they don’t feel like it. Anybody can get maudlin and decide to write poetry at 11 at night; the question is, can you do it at 8:30 on a Monday morning..?” ― Clive Barker
28. “This has been such a Monday! I wish I stayed in bed, and I wish that yesterday had never happened.” ― Lisa Mantchev
29. “Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day.” — Glen Cook
30. “Every single day I wake up and make up my mind that I am going to work really hard. Then my mind laughs at me and says ‘Good joke.’ Then we laugh for some more time and I go back to bed.” — Gehenna Toss
Short Funny Quotes About Monday Morning
Brighten up your day with these short funny quotes about Monday morning. These short funny quotes for Monday morning will make you smile, and if you are a morning person you might also like our lists of Inspirational Morning Quotes, Good Morning Quotes and Funny Good Morning Quotes.
31. “The only good Monday is a Monday in bed” ― Lee Horton
32. “What do sharks do on Monday mornings? They get up and start biting. That’s me.” ― Gemma Collins
33. “Good morning is a contradiction of terms.” — Jim Davis
34. “Monday is great if I can spend it in bed. I’m a man of simple pleasures.” ― Arthur Darvill
35. “The best weeks start on Monday.” ― Nice Peter
36. “Every Monday you wake up is a day to make a change.” – Irvine Welsh
37. “I hate mornings, they start so early.” — Janet Evanovich
38. “I hate when I dream of alarm clocks going off.” — Jarod Kintz
39. “I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.” — Lewis Black
40. “When reality and dreams collide, typically it’s just your alarm clock going off.” — Crystal Woods
41. “Morning comes whether you set the alarm or not.” — Ursula Le Guin
42. “The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.” — Dorothy Parker
43. “Some people wake up drowsy. Some people wake up energized. I wake up dead.” — James Marsden
44. “Mornings are pure evil from the pits of hell, which is why I don’t do them anymore.” — Rachel Caine
Funny Monday Motivation
This list of funny Monday motivation should be good for a chuckle. Then check out our lists of Tuesday Motivation Quotes, Wednesday Motivation Quotes, Thursday Motivation Quotes and Friday Motivation Quotes.
45. “I must break the routines and become a person who becomes productive every Monday. I must break the mindset of unhappiness and turn myself into a happy magnet for Mondays.” ― Leggy Saul
46. “The challenge of every Monday is to maintain the same vitality in each and every day of the week.” ― Byron Pulsifer
47. “Do or do not. There is no try. “ — Yoda
48. “The biggest thrill wasn’t in winning on Sunday but in meeting the payroll on Monday.” ― Art Rooney
49. “Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.” ― Winnie the Pooh
50. “You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.” — Sam Levenson
51. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” ― A. A. Milne
52. “Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.” ― Ellen DeGeneres
53. “A day without laughter is a day wasted.” ― Charlie Chaplin
54. “Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.” ― Tina Fey
55. “Be happy, it drives people crazy.” — Paulo Coelho
56. “Nothing is impossible. The word itself says “I’m possible!” ― Audrey Hepburn
57. “When in doubt, throw doubt out and have a little faith….” ― E.A. Bucchianeri
58. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily.” — Zig Ziglar
59. “If you come to a fork in the road, take it.” ― Yogi Berra
60. “I’m an optimist, but an optimist who carries a raincoat.” ― Harold Wilson
61. “You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” — Robin Williams
62. “Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” — Kyle Chandler
Sarcastic Monday Quotes and Sayings
These sarcastic Monday quotes and sayings will put a smile on your face.
63. “I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.”
64. “Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” ― Ashleigh Brilliant
65. “After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF.”
66. “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” ― Steven Wright
67. “Tuesday is Monday’s ugly sister.”
68. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” ― Robin Williams
69. “Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” ― Joan Crawford
70. “If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.” ― Lawrence Ferlinghetti
71. “I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic.” ― Sarah Rees Brennan
72. “I became insane with long periods intervals of horrible sanity.” ― Edgar Allen Poe
73. “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” ― Drew Carey
Funny Monday Work Quotes
This section is for you if you’re looking for funny Monday work quotes. Choose your favorite funny Monday quotes for work, then check out our lists of Monday Quotes for Work, Funny Work Quotes, Inspirational Work Quotes and Hard Work Quotes.
74. “In my life long study of human beings, I have found that no matter how hard they try, they have found no way yet to prevent the arrival of Monday morning. And they do try, of course, but Monday always comes, and all the drones have to scuttle back to their dreary workday lives of meaningless toin and suffering.” ― Jeff Lindsay
75. “Mondays are the start of the work week which offers new beginnings 52 times a year!” ― David Dweck
76. “Sunday just came down like a nine-pound hammer … it was tainted with the closing-in feeling of the loss of freedom. Because after the sun went down, it came back up on Monday morning. And you had to go to work five more days. And it sucked.” ― Larry Brown
77. “Employers are at their happiest on Mondays. Employees are at their happiest on Fridays.” ― Mokokoma Mokhonoana
78. “I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
79. “Sometimes it pays to stay in bed on Monday, rather than spending the rest of the week debugging Monday’s code.” ― Dan Salomon
80. “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin
81. “If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald
82. “The reward for good work is more work.” — Francesca Elisia
83. “Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” — Homer Simpson
84. “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen
Last Funny Quotes About Monday
Consider the following last funny quotes about Monday.
85. “Mondays are a lot like getting fat. They make you feel sad, sometimes angry and there is not much scope for liking either fat or Mondays for any reason.” ― Garry Moll
86. “There is nothing more dreadful than having to go walking on one’s own on Monday.” ― Thomas Bernhard
87. “Today I am doing better than yesterday, and tomorrow I hope to be doing better than I am today. And two days from now? Well, that’s a Monday, so I’ll be feeling shitty.” ― Jarod Kintz
88. “What about Monday? That could be one day we look at things the same way and wear funny shoes.” ― Kevin Dalton
89. “If I could, I’d give up Mondays to have her love again. Actually, forget her love, I’d give up Mondays for free.” ― Jarod Kintz
90. “Monday is a sloppy umbrella day, which makes everybody a little blue.” ― George Leedy
91. “When you’re young and healthy you can plan on Monday to commit suicide, and by Wednesday you’re laughing again.” ― Marilyn Monroe
92. “Someday is not a day of the week.” — Denise Brennan-Nelson
93. “If there was a day of the week I could skip it would be Monday. Clients had too much time to think and worry over a long weekend and by Monday they were often riddled with fear and anxiety.” ― Stan Turner
94. “You can write the best column in the world on Monday, and it does you absolutely no good on Tuesday.” ― Lewis Grizzard
Funny Quotes of the Day
If you like these funny quotes for each day of the week head to our list of Funny Quotes of the Day.
95. “Why does winter feel like one big Tuesday?” – Todd Stocker
96. “Tuesday is the most sensible day of the week.” – Emily P. Freeman
97. No one likes Tuesday morning but at least it’s not Monday morning.” – Bev Johnston
98. “A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.” – Demetri Martin
99. “Wednesdays are like Mondays in the middle of the week!” – Lee Fox Williams
100. “Thursday is perhaps the worst day of the week. It’s nothing in itself; it just reminds you that the week has been going on too long” – Nicci French
101. “I wish you a tolerable Thursday. That’s all any of us can hope for.” – April Winchell
102. “Happy Friday! Here’s to all of us who made it through another week of faking adulthood.” – Nanea Hoffman
103. “It’s 4:58 on Friday afternoon. Do you know where your margarita is?” ― Amy Neftzger
104. “Oh, my sweet Saturday, I have been waiting for you for six long days.” – Charmaine J. Forde
105. “I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.” – Anna Scott
106. “Happiness is a hot bath on a Sunday afternoon.” – A.D. Posey
107. “The goal of Sunday is to leave my home as little as possible.” – Mark Morris
Funny New Day Quotes on Monday
Check out these funny new day quotes on Monday. And check out our list of New Day Quotes for more.
108. “Every day brings you a chance to draw in a breath, kick off your shoes and dance.” ― Oprah Winfrey
109. “If you’re not getting it perfect, life is still going to go around. The world still turns. It’s going to be OK. Tomorrow is a new day.” ― Katy Mixon
110. “Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one.” ― Brad Paisley
111. “Isn’t it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes in it yet?” ― L.M. Montgomery
112. “Everyone has highs and lows that they have to learn from, but, every morning, I start off with a good head on my shoulders, saying to myself, it’s going to be a good day!” ― Lindsay Lohan
113. “The beginning is the most important part of the work.” ― Plato
114. “Today is a new day. Even if you were wrong yesterday, you can get it right today.” ― Dwight Howard
115. “Each new day has a different shape to it. You just roll with it.” ― Ben Zobrist
116. “My grandmother lived to 104 years old, and part of her success was she woke up every morning to a brand new day.” ― George Takei
117. “Man starts over again every new day, in spite of all he knows, despite all he knows.” ― Emil Cioran
118. “Every day is a new day. It is better to be lucky. But I would rather be exact. Then, when luck comes, you are ready.” ― Ernest Hemingway
119. “Every day is new. It’s just a new day. I look at six hours at a time.” ― Wiz Khalifa
Funny New Week Quotes
If you need some motivation to start your week right, these funny new week quotes are for you. You might also like our list of New Week Quotes.
120. “Monday is the day that opens up the week for many opportunities.” ― R.K. Narayan
121. “A bad day doesn’t mean a bad week or a bad month or a bad year.” ― Anuj Jasani
122. “All days from the week are typical, that’s all… nothing less, nothing more.” ― Deyth Banger
123. “The week is full of rainbow fruit.” ― Anthony T. Hincks
124. “The best weeks start on Monday.” ― Nice Peter
125. “When the week begins, try your best to let your best overcome your worst and that is the best. Do your best to have a good week and never be weak in the week.” ― Ernest Agyemang Yeboah
126. “If life was a book; every day would be a new page, every month would be a new chapter, and every year would be a new series.” ― Elizabeth Duivenvoorde
127. “Monday is the day that opens up the week for many opportunities.” ― R.K. Narayan
Funny Monday Sayings
Laugh a bit at these funny Monday sayings. These funny sayings about Monday will help you get through the day. Check out our list of our Funny Sayings for more.
128. “Monday is like a math problem. Add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems, divide the happiness.”
129. “Today is Monday, and that reasons enough for me to hate it.”
130. “People who say “good morning” should be forced to prove it. Happy Monday!”
131. “Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear… Monday has been cancelled, go back to sleep.”
132. “Why is Monday so far from Friday but Friday so close from Monday?
133. “Monday is just a reminder that the weekend has past and there are only a few more days before another weekend gets here.”
134. “Monday is one of my favourite days of the week. My 7th favourite.”
135. “Monday?! But, I wasn’t even finished with Saturday yet…”
136. “There should be a holiday dedicated to all the brave people who show up to work on Mondays.”
137. “Nothing screws up your Friday like realizing it’s only Monday.”
138. “I haven’t had this bad of a Monday since last Monday.”
139. “Happy Monday. Wait, better yet, happy only four days until Friday.”
140. “There’s no more difficult transition than Sunday to Monday.”
Funny Monday Captions
If you like these funny Monday captions head to our list of Monday Captions for more.
Life should be paused before Monday mornings.
It’s Monday so act like it
Wishing it was Sunday again.
Shortest horror story: MONDAY.
Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays.
It’s Monday but keep smiling.
May your coffee be strong and your Monday be short.
May today be the Mondayest Monday that ever Mondayed.
Enjoy your Monday. Only 5 more days til the weekend
Even the best weeks start on Monday.
Just a little funny Monday.
Living in a Mondaze
Not ready to Monday.
On Mondays, my coffee is medicinal.
Can’t we skip Monday.
Monday. There’s nothing that bed can’t fix
Don’t look but here comes Monday.
My Saturday was going really well until it turned into Monday.
Monday takes a little coffee and a lot of mascara.
If each day is a “gift”, I’d like to know where I can return Monday.
Warning: Going to sleep on Sunday will cause Monday. Please note that staying awake all night does not prevent Monday. There is no cure.
So there you have it! We hope we’ve helped you find the best funny Monday quote you were looking for.
Now get out there and enjoy your Monday!
If we missed your favorite quote about Monday, let us know in the comments below.
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