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100 Funny Quotes About Getting Older

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Getting older is inevitable so you might as well have a sense of humor about it. We think that when it comes to getting older quotes, funny ones are the best ones so we have scoured the internet and made a list of all the best funny quotes about getting older.

So, if you are looking for funny old age quotes or funny quotes about aging we have you covered.

If you like funny quotes and sayings, you should also check out our lists of Funny Good Morning QuotesFunny Love QuotesFunny Work QuotesFunny Quotes of the DayFunny Quotes About Life and Funny Inspirational Quotes.

Find your favorite category or scroll on through to find the best funny growing old quotes for you.

Funny Quotes About Getting Older

Here are some great funny quotes about getting older.

“Getting older is fine. There is nothing you can do to stop it so you might as well stay on the bus.” – John Byrne

“I have a great curiosity to see new things, but not to own them. It’s very peaceful this way, and one of the nice things about getting older.” – Lee Radziwill

 “I think women should start to embrace their age. What’s the alternative to getting older? You die.” – Olivia Munn

“The good thing about getting older is that, as you become less attractive, you have less desire to go out and conquer everyone you see.” – Julian Clary

“If you’re always battling against getting older, you’re always going to be unhappy, because it will happen anyhow.” – Mitch Albom

“If you’re not getting older, you’re dead.” – Tom Petty

Couple by lake with funny quotes about getting older by Petty

“One thing I’ve noticed about getting older, it takes twice as much work to get half the results one formerly achieved by falling out of bed.” — Josh Lanyon

“Getting older is tough. I remember the last time I felt an erection. It was at the movies. The only trouble is, it belonged to the guy sitting next to me.” — Rodney Dangerfield

“I think my least healthy habit is running around too much. And I think I’m getting better about it as I’m getting older.” — Cynthia Nixon

“It’s horrible getting older. I mean, it’s wonderful because you see the circles of life get completed. But it’s horrible losing your looks.” ― Erica Jong

“As a man gets older, if he knows what is good for him, the women he likes are getting older too. The trouble is that most of them are married.” ― Ross Macdonald

“I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror.” – Cherie Lunghi

“I love getting older! I really believe that a woman doesn’t reach her peak until her 40s.” – Evangeline Lilly

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” – Mark Twain

Ocean at sunset with cute funny quotes about aging by Twain

“As we grow older, our capacity for enjoyment shrinks, but not our appetite for it.” – Mignon McLaughlin

“As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and the I can’t remember the other two.” – Sir Norman Wisdom

“I don’t believe one grows older. I think that what happens early on in life is that at a certain age one stands still and stagnates.” – T. S. Eliot

“I never thought getting older would be so great. But when it comes to depression, I have experienced less the older I’ve gotten.” — Amy Grant

“I’m getting older , so I’m quieting down a bit.” — Steve Coogan

“In my opinion, everybody is getting older and older. We have a great deal of dementia because nobody grew old enough to get it.” — Michael Caine

Inspirational Funny Quotes on Getting Older

If you like these inspirational funny quotes on getting older, you should also check out our lists of  Short Inspirational Quotes, Inspirational Morning Quotes, Inspirational Quotes for Today, Funny Inspirational Quotes and Inspirational Quotes for Work.

“I like getting older. When you’re in your 20’s you’re really forging for your future. Things take shape later on.” – Crispin Glover

“The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.” – Madeleine L’Engle

“I’m kind of comfortable with getting older because it’s better than the other option, which is being dead. So, I’ll take getting older.” – George Clooney

“The great thing about getting older is that you become more mellow. Things aren’t as black and white, and you become much more tolerant. You can see the good in things much more easily rather than getting enraged as you used to do when you were young.” – Maeve Binchy

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” – George Bernard Shaw

Sunset with meaningful funny quotes on getting older by Shaw

“That’s another great thing about getting older. Your life is written on your face.” ― Frances McDormand

 “The more you are getting older, you lose a little something. Of course there is another advantage, because of your long experience you can use it.” — Haile Gebrselassie

“I’m getting older, and it happens. You don’t care as much. I don’t care about too much anymore. I’ve got to think about that a little bit.” — Adam Sandler

“I like getting older. When you’re in your twenties you’re really forging for your future. Things take shape later on.” — Crispin Glover

“There’s another part of getting older that’s just wonderful. Which is you see the way the stories turn out with peoples’ lives.” ― Erica Jong

“Everything changes as you get older – your mind, your body, the way you view the world.” – Antonio Banderas

“My mother always used to say, ‘The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana’.” – Betty White

“The older I get the less I listen to what people say and the more I look at what they do.” – Andrew Carnegie

“I’m a person who gets better with practice. Getting older is awesome – because you get more practice.” — Zooey Deschanel

“I suppose playing an older man is a way of preparing myself for getting older.” ― Leonardo DiCaprio

Funny Quotes About Aging

Here are some of our favorite funny quotes on aging. Find your favorite funny aging quotes below!

“I don’t believe in aging. I believe in forever altering one’s aspect to the sun.” – Virginia Woolf

“Aging is not lost youth but a new stage of opportunity and strength.” ― Betty Friedan

“Age is a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it don’t matter.” – Satchel Paige

“Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.” – Luis Bunuel

“First you are young; then you are middle-aged; then you are old; then you are wonderful.” – Diana Cooper

“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” ― Kitty O’Neill Collins

Couple on beach with funny quotes about aging

“The really frightening thing about middle age is the knowledge that you’ll grow out of it.” — Doris Day

“I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.” — Phyllis Diller

“Eventually you reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” — Will Rogers

“The old believe everything, the middle—aged suspect everything, the young know everything.” — Oscar Wilde

“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” — Lucille Ball

“Of late I appear to have reached that stage when people who look old who are only my age.” — Richard Armour

“Middle age is when you’ve met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.” — Ogden Nash

“Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.” — Franklin Pierce Adams

“Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you.” — Ogden Nash

“Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears.”  —  John Lennon

“Age is a high price to pay for maturity.” — Tom Stoppard

Short Funny Quotes for Getting Older

If you like these short funny quotes for getting older, you might also want to check out our lists of Short Inspirational Quotes, Short Quotes About Life, Short Positive Quotes, Short Deep Quotes, Funny Short Quotes, Short Cute Quotes, Short Friendship Quotes, Short Quotes About Change, Short Travel Quotes and Best Short Quotes. For now, find your favorite funny growing old quotes below.

“As I started getting older, I realized, ‘I’m so happy!’ I didn’t expect this!” – Jane Fonda

“I’m just getting older and better.” – Neal Schon

“As a man grows older it is harder and harder to frighten him.” – Jean Paul Richter

“The older I get the more things I gotta leave behind, that’s life.” – Sylvester Stallone

“The older you get, the stronger the wind gets. And it’s always in your face.” – Jack Nicklaus

“You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.” – George Burns

“As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.” – Robert Quillen

Couple on beach with short funny quotes for getting older by Quillen

“Getting old is a fascination thing. The older you get, the older you want to get.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“I’m getting older. I’m getting sexier. I’m getting meaner. I can still do what I do.” — Shaquille O’Neal

“One of the pluses of getting older is you set some limits.” — Nicolas Cage

“As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.” — Andrew Carnegie

“It’s nice, though, getting older and being able to do different roles.” — Luke Wilson

“The older I grow, the more I find myself alone.” — Alberto Giacometti

You don’t get older, you get better. — Shirley Bassey

Funny Old Age Quotes

Check out these funny old age quotes.

“Try to keep your soul young and quivering right up to old age.” – George Sand

“In youth, we run into difficulties. In old age, difficulties run into us.” – Beverly Sills

“To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent that is to triumph over old age.” — Thomas Bailey Aldrich

“Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it.” — Golda Meir

“I suppose real old age begins when one looks backward rather than forward.” – May Sarton

People by lake with funny old age quotes

“To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.” — Bernard Baruch

“Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.” — Theodore Roosevelt

“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” – Shirley Maclaine

“You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear, as young as your hope, as old as your despair.” – Douglas MacArthur

“Do not complain about growing old. It is a privilege denied to many.” – Mark Twain

“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” – George Burns

“A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.” – John Barrymore

“It’s not how old you are, it’s how you are old.” – Jules Renard

“‘We already are old,’ she said with a sigh. What happens is that you don’t feel it on the inside, but from the outside everybody can see it.” – Gabriel García Márquez

“You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” ― Bob Hope

“It’s not easy getting old, you know. Things become a lot less clear.” ― Jonathan Evison

Funny Quotes About Getting Older and Wiser

You might like these funny quotes about getting older and wiser.

“Why are people afraid of getting older? You feel wiser. You feel more mature. You feel like you know yourself better. You would trade that for softer skin? Not me!” – Anna Kournikova

“Some folks as they grow older grow wise but most folks simply grow stubborner.” – Josh Billings

“Life’s tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.” – Benjamin Franklin

“No, that is the great fallacy: the wisdom of old men. They do not grow wise. They grow careful.” – Ernest Hemingway

“If you’re not going to get any wiser, what’s the point of getting older?” — Elizabeth Lowell

Susnet with funny quotes about getting older and wiser by Lowell

“Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.” — Tom Wilson

“To know how to grow old is the masterwork of wisdom, and one of the most difficult chapters in the great art of living.” — Henri Frederic Amiel

“The more older we grow, the more humane, the more loving and wiser we become!” ― Md. Ziaul Haque

“The problem with getting older is you still remember how things used to be.” — Paul Newman

“Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing.” — Oliver Wendell Holmes

“Inside every older person is a younger person – wondering what the hell happened.” — Cora Harvey Armstrong

Funny Quotes About Aging Gracefully

Here are some great funny quotes about aging gracefully.

“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” – Abraham Lincoln

“The longer I live, the more beautiful life becomes.” – Frank Lloyd Wright

“It’s a wonderful thing, as time goes by, to be with someone who looks into your face, when you’ve gotten old, and still sees what you think you look like.” – James Cromwell

“Wrinkles merely mark where smiles have been.” – Mark Twain

“Some people are old at 18 and some are young at 90. Time is a concept that humans created.” – Yoko Ono

“Looking back over a lifetime, you see that love was the answer to everything.” – Ray Bradbury

“Your face is marked with lines of life, put there by love and laughter, suffering and tears. It’s beautiful.” – Lynsay Sands

“With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come.” ― William Shakespeare

“Please don’t retouch my wrinkles. It took me so long to earn them.” ― Anna Magnani

Person by water with funny quotes about aging gracefully by Magnani

“Our wrinkles are our medals of the passage of life. They are what we have been through and who we want to be.” ― Lauren Hutton

“Getting old is like climbing a mountain; you get a little out of breath, but the view is much better!” ― Ingrid Bergman

“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” — Steven Wright

“Time is a dressmaker specializing in alterations.” — Faith Baldwin

“If you survive long enough, you’re revered-rather like an old building.” — Katherine Hepburn

“Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you’re alive, it isn’t.” — Richard Bach

“Today is the oldest you have been, and the youngest you will ever be. Make the most of it!” — Nicky Gumbel

“It’s sad to grow old, but nice to ripen.” – Brigitte Bardot

Funny Growing Old Quotes

If you’re looking for some funny growing old quotes, this is the place.

“Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young.” — Dorothy Canfield Fisher

“A man is getting old when he walks around a puddle instead of through it.” – R. C. Ferguson

“If wrinkles must be written upon our brows, let them not be written upon the heart. The spirit should never grow old.” – James A. Garfield

“Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideas. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.” – Samuel Ullman

“Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made.” ― Robert Browning

“Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.” — Chili Davis

Person on swing with funny growing old quotes by Davis

“I didn’t mind getting old when I was young. It’s the being old now that’s getting to me.” ― John Scalzi

“Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed.” — Anthony Powell

“Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young.” – Henry Ford

“How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?” – Satchel Paige

“You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.” — Ogden Nash

Funny Old People Quotes

These funny old people quotes will put a smile on your face.

“Your sixties you have a major surgery, the music is still loud but it doesn’t matter because you can’t hear it anyway. Seventies, you and the wife retire to Fort Lauderdale, you start eating dinner at two, lunch around ten, breakfast the night before. And you spend most of your time wandering around malls looking for the ultimate in soft yogurt…” – Billy Crystal

“When our memories outweigh our dreams, it is then that we become old.” – William J. Clinton

“Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.” – Helen Rowland

“You know you’re getting old when kids start to dress like you used to and movies are made about your teen life.” ― David Brenner

“Someone once said that you can make the choice between getting old and getting creepy, and I think getting old is the way to go.” ― Kate Beckinsale

“Fifty is the youth of old age.” – Victor Hugo

Ocean cliffs with 50th birthday quotes by Hugo

“Just remember once you’re over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.” — Charles Schultz

“I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don’t have to respect anybody.” — George Burns

“First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly.” — Branch Rickey

“The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.” — Jerry M. Wright

“The first hundred years are the hardest.” — Wilson Mizner

“The people who live in a golden age usually go around complaining how yellow everything looks.” — Randall Jarrell

“If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.” — Eubie Blake 

“Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.” — Truman Capote

Funny Quotes About Turning 30, 40, 50, 60 and 70

If you like funny quotes for the milestone birthdays, check out our lists 30th Birthday Quotes, 40th Birthday Quotes and 50th Birthday Quotes.

“At the age of 20, we don’t care what the world thinks of us; at 30, we worry about what it is thinking of us; at 40, we discover that it wasn’t thinking of us at all.” — John M Eades

“When you turn thirty, a whole new thing happens: you see yourself acting like your parents.” — Blair Sabol

“At twenty years of age, the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; and at forty, the judgement.” — Benjamin Franklin

“At 30 you finally start to catch up on those dreams you’ve been chasing for the last 10 plus years.” — Bonidette Lanz

“Everything I know I learned after I was 30.” — Georges Clemenceau

“Inside every 30 year old is an 18 year old asking what happened?” — Ann Landers

“I’m turning thirty this year. And you know the saying, a woman over thirty is more likely to get hit by a bomb than find a man.” — Fanny Fink

“Life begins at 40.”—Walter Pitkin

Person looking at mountains with 40th birthday quotes by Pitkin

“Life really does begin at forty. Up until then, you are just doing research.” — Carl Gustav Jung

“I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry.” – Alan Bleasdale

“The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.” – T. S. Eliot

“Looking fifty is great – if you’re sixty” Joan Rivers

“One of the shocks of a 50th birthday is realizing the fundamental fact that your youth is irrevocably over.” — Marianne Williamson

“Life would be infinitely better if we could be born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18.” — Mark Twain

“If you live to the age of a hundred, you have it made because very few people die past the age of a hundred.” — George Burns

Funny Birthday Quotes About Getting Older

For more like this, check out our full list of Funny Birthday Quotes.

“Birthdays are a great time to stop and appreciate gravity. Sure, it makes things sag as you get older, but it also keeps your cake from flying all over the room, so you don’t have to chase it.” – Greg Tamblyn

“For me, the end of childhood came when the number of candles on my birthday cake no longer reflected my age, around 19 or 20. From then on, each candle came to represent an entire decade.” — Yotam Ottolenghi

“For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.” — John Glenn

“When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.” — Joan Rivers

“Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.” — Rodney Dangerfield

Cake with candle and short funny birthday quotes by Dangerfield

“You’re getting old when the only thing you want for your birthday is not to be reminded of it.” — Felix Severn

“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” — Larry Lorenzoni

“I decided if you’re lucky enough to be alive, you should use each birthday to celebrate what your life is about.” — Mary Steenburgen

“You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.’” — Jerry Seinfeld

“You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” — Bob Hope

“When the candles on your cake burn down before they are all lit you know you are getting up there.” – Catherine Pulsifer

Funny Sayings About Old Age

If you like these funny sayings about getting older and funny sayings about old age, you might also like our list of Funny Sayings.

Age is just a number

As with wine, life gets better with age

I’ve got 99 problems, but age ain’t one

Not just a year older — a year better!

Old enough to retire; young enough to enjoy it

Couple on beach with funny sayings about old age

Respect old age; it’s your future!

The only thing that comes to you without effort is old age

There’s no age limit on life

You’re never too old for anything

You’re only as old as you feel

Children are the leading cause of old age

Don’t let aging get you down; it’s too hard to get back up!

How are stars like dentures? Both come out at night

I’ve decided: Whatever age I am is the new 30

Now that I’ve become a senior, everything’s starting to click for me! My knees, my back, my neck…

Old people are just young people who have been alive for a very long time

One benefit of old age is that your secrets are safe with your friends — they can’t remember them either!

With old age comes wisdom… and discounts!

Young at heart, old everywhere else

So that is our list of the best funny quotes about aging! We hope that you enjoyed them and you found some that made you smile.

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