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100 Funny Quotes of the Day

Everyone could use a funny quote of the day. So to help you out we gathered an entire list of the best funny quotes of the day. They include funny Monday quotes, funny Tuesday quotes, funny Wednesday quotes, funny Thursday quotes, funny Friday quotes, funny Saturday quotes, funny Sunday quotes, short funny quotes of the day, funny quotes about today, funny good morning quotes for today and funny sayings of the day.

We have also combined some of our favorite funny quotes of the day with some of our favorite photos.

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If you like funny quotes for the days of the week, you should also head over to our lists of Funny Monday Quotes, Funny Tuesday Quotes, Funny Wednesday Quotes, Funny Thursday Quotes, Funny Friday Quotes, Funny Saturday Quotes, and Funny Sunday Quotes.

Jump ahead to your favourite category or just start scrolling to find your favorite funny quote of the day.

Funny Quotes of the Day

Here are some great funny quotes of the day.

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin

“The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” – Abraham Lincoln

“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles Shulz

“A day without laughter is a day wasted.” – Charlie Chaplin

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” — Winnie The Pooh

Clouds and blue sky with funny quotes of the day by Winnie the Pooh

“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.” – Dale Carnegie

“When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life.” – Richard Lewis

“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” – Mark Twain

“It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.” – Jerry Seinfeld

“Every dogma has its day.” – Anthony Burgess

“Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.” – Don Marquis

“I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time.” – Charles M. Schulz

“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” — Zach Galifianakis

Funny Monday Quotes

If you like these funny Monday quotes, check out our lists of Monday Morning Quotes and Monday Quotes.

“Everyday is Monday….till Friday.” – Viktor VolksPrater

“Mondays are a lot like getting fat. They make you feel sad, sometimes angry and there is not much scope for liking either fat or Mondays for any reason.” – Garry Moll

“So. Monday. We meet again. We will never be friends – but maybe we can move past our mutual enmity toward a more positive partnership.” – Julio Alexi Genao

“Candy is natures way of making up for Mondays.” – Rebecca Gober

“When life gives you Monday, dip it in glitter and sparkle all day.” – Ella Woodward

Waterfall with funny quotes about Monday by Ella Woodward

“Your Monday is not going to be like Saturday; the emotions are going to be different.” – Jean Grae

“What about Monday? That could be one day we look at things the same way and wear funny shoes.” – Kevin Dalton

“This has been such a Monday! I wish I stayed in bed, and I wish that yesterday had never happened.” – Lisa Mantchev

“The only good Monday is a Monday in bed” – Lee Horton

“The awfulness of Monday mornings is the world’s greatest common denominator. To the millionaire and the coolie it is the same, because there can be nothing worse.” – Kenneth Fearing

“What do sharks do on Monday mornings? They get up and start biting. That’s me.” – Gemma Collins

“Monday is for people with a mission.” – Christina Imre

“I must break the routines and become a person who becomes productive every Monday. I must break the mindset of unhappiness and turn myself into a happy magnet for Mondays.” – Leggy Saul

“Don’t let a day of the week have so much power over your happiness. Happy Monday!” – Andrea L’Artiste

RELATED QUOTES: Short Happy Quotes

“Mondays are mundane, like Tuesdays minus 24 hours.”- Jarod Kintz

“Like the song says, rainy days and Mondays always get ya down.” – Haruki Murakami

“Monday is great for becoming too busy to die.” – Roy Station

“Monday is a sloppy umbrella day, which makes everybody a little blue.” – George Leedy

“Don’t mess with anybody on a Monday. It’s a bad, bad day.” – Louise Fitzhugh

“There are no miracles on Mondays.” – Amy Neftzger

“If each day is a gift, I’d like to know where to return Mondays!” – John Wagner

“Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.” – Steven Wright

“Monday isn’t that bad to be honest, What makes it bad is living in it.” – Day

Mountains reflection with funny quotes of the day for Monday

“Today I am doing better than yesterday, and tomorrow I hope to be doing better than I am today. And two days from now? Well, that’s a Monday, so I’ll be feeling shitty.” ― Jarod Kintz

“In my life long study of human beings, I have found that no matter how hard they try, they have found no way yet to prevent the arrival of Monday morning. And they do try, of course, but Monday always comes, and all the drones have to scuttle back to their dreary workday lives of meaningless toin and suffering.” – Jeff Lindsay

“There isn’t a Monday that would not cede its place to Tuesday.” – Anton Chekhov

“I don’t like Mondays, especially if they occur on Fridays.” – Jarod Kintz

“If I could, I’d give up Mondays to have her love again. Actually, forget her love, I’d give up Mondays for free.” – Jarod Kintz

“Life is like Friday on a soap opera. It gives you the illusion that everything is going to wrap up, and then the same old shit starts up on Monday.” – Stephen King

Funny Tuesday Quotes

If you like these funny Tuesday quotes, also check out our lists of Tuesday Motivation Quotes and Tuesday Quotes.

“Tuesday just called and wants to know what happened to Friday!” – Neil Leckman

“Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday.” – Will Ferrell

“It can’t be Sunday every day. There are also Mondays and Tuesdays.” – George Weah

“I don’t want it good. I want it Tuesday.” – Jack L. Warner

“Addiction – when you can give up something any time, as long as it’s next Tuesday.” – Nikki Sixx

“Tuesday is neither here nor there in the hierarchy of the week.” – Anthony T. Hincks

“Why does winter feel like one big Tuesday?” – Todd Stocker

Woman throwing snow with funny quotes of the day about Tuesday by Todd Stocker

“Thinking about happy times on a Tuesday is like going to the beach when there is no sun.” – Alain Bremond-Torrent

“Tuesday is a good day, you survived Monday. And tomorrow is Wednesday, half way through your work week!” – Kate Summers

“I’d take half an argument over half a silence any day. And I’d take peace and quiet over a full-blown argument any other day unless it’s Tuesday.” – Will Advise

“I object only when it reaches a stage when I am threatened with having nothing left for my old age – which is due to start next Tuesday or Wednesday.” – Noel Coward

“The days were heavy and sticky. All identical, one the same as the other. Soon they would even get rid of their one remaining distinction, the shell of their names: Monday, Tuesday, Thursday.” – Ismail Kadaré

“There is no point in learning on a Tuesday when on a Thursday it might be completely different.” – Alycia Debnam-Carey

Funny Wednesday Quotes

If you like these funny Wednesday quotes, go see our lists of Wednesday Motivation Quotes and Wednesday Quotes.

“On Wednesday, when the sky is blue, and I have nothing else to do, I sometimes wonder if it’s true that who is what and what is who.” – Winnie the Pooh

“On Wednesdays we wear pink.” – Mean Girls

“Home may be where the heart is but it’s no place to spend Wednesday afternoon.” – Walker Percy

“Wednesday can only dream of becoming Thursday.” – Anthony T. Hincks

“Wednesdays are like Mondays in the middle of the week!” – Lee Fox Williams

Person on a log with funny quotes of the day about Wednesday

“On Wednesday they’re feelin’ fine again, And they’re workin’ like a dog and diggin’ in.” – Johnny Cash

“Waiting for Wednesday.” – Lisa Loeb

“A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.” – Demetri Martin

“My job is to give people who work hard all week something to enjoy on Saturdays and Wednesdays.” – Arsene Wenger

“When a day that you happen to know is Wednesday starts off sounding like Sunday, there is something seriously wrong somewhere.” – John Wyndham

“When people refer to ‘Back in the Day,’ it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.” – Dane Cook

“It was like trying to break up with the color orange, or Wednesday, or silent e. It was the most passionate and tumultuous relationship I’d ever known.” – Rob Sheffield

Funny Thursday Quotes

If you like these funny Thursday quotes, you need to see our lists of Thursday Motivation Quotes and Thursday Quotes.

“Thursday comes and the week’s gone.” – George Herbert

“It’s Thursday and it really feels like a Thursday. Sometimes things just work out.” – Demetri Martin

“If I love you Wednesday, what is that to you? I do not love you Thursday; so much is true.” – Edna St. Vincent Millay

“This must be Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays.” – Douglas Adams

“Thursday is perhaps the worst day of the week. It’s nothing in itself; it just reminds you that the week has been going on too long” – Nicci French

Sunrise on mountains with funny quotes of the day about Thursday by Nicci French

“And whether it is Thursday or the day is stormy, With thunder and rain, or the birds attack each other, We have rolled into another dream.” – John Ashbery

“…By the time Thursday rolls around, you stay in, and you work, and you don’t go out because it’s horrible.” – El-P

Funny Friday Quotes

Here are some funny Friday quotes. We also have lists of Funny Friday Quotes, Friday Motivational Quotes and Perfect Friday Quotes.

“Its always difficult to keep Fridays confined within themselves..they tend to spill over..” ― Parag Tipnis

“Music always sounds better on Friday.” ― Lou Brutus

“Fridays are the hardest in some ways: you’re so close to freedom.” — Lauren Oliver

“Although I understand that all days are equal with 24 hours each, most of us agree that Friday is the longest day of the week and Sunday the shortest.” ― D.S. Mixel

“It’s finally Friday, I’m free again. I got my motor running for a wild weekend.” — George Jones

“It’s 4:58 on Friday afternoon. Do you know where your margarita is?” ― Amy Neftzger

Country landscape with funny motivational Friday quotes by Neftzger

“I believe that it is a mandatory Law of the Universe that on Fridays, you have to do something a little fun.” — Hanna Rhoades

“Friday afternoon feels like heaven…” ― El Fuego

“It’s bad luck to begin work on Fridays.” ― Southern Mothers

“Oh! It’s Friday again. Share the love that was missing during the week. In a worthy moment of peace and bliss.” — S. O’Sade

“I don’t care if Monday’s blue, Tuesday’s gray and Wednesday too. Thursday I don’t care about you. It’s Friday I’m in love.” — The Cure

“Every Friday, I like to high five ourselves for getting through another week on little more than caffeine, will power, and inappropriate humour.” — Nanea Hoffman

“Weekends welcome warriors for social fun that starts on Friday.” — David Chiles

Person on board walk over river with funny quotes of the day about Friday by Rhoades

“If my boss knew how unproductive I am on Fridays, he wouldn’t want me here either.” — James Johnson

“It’s Friday morning mankind! Good vibe, don’t frown and let the monster see you smile!” — Napz Cherub Pellazo

“Not for nothing is their motto TGIF – ‘Thank God It’s Friday.’ They live for the weekends when they can go do what they want to do.” — Richard Nelson Bolles

“Life must be terrible for working people, considering they spend every Friday night celebrating a two-day break from it.” — Robert Black

“Employers are at their happiest on Mondays. Employees are at their happiest on Fridays.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Funny Saturday Quotes

If you like these funny Saturday quotes, check out our lists of Funny Saturday Quotes and Perfect Saturday Quotes.

“My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on tv and eating.” — Alan King

“If they want to learn how to live life right they ought to study me on Saturday night.” — Maya Angelou

“I told myself that I was going to live the rest of my life as if it were Saturday.” — Chip Gaines

“I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.” — Anna Scott

Ocean with rainbow and funny quote of the day about Saturday by Anna Scott

“Saturday mornings, I’ve learned, are a great opportunity for kids to sneak into your bed, fall back asleep, and kick you in the face.” — Dan Pearce

“There were many reasons to regard Saturday as the second best day after Friday.” — R. Phillip Ritter

“I wish that every day was Saturday and every month was October.” — Charmaine J. Forde

“Come on, come on, turn the radio on, It’s Saturday, and it won’t be long” — Sia

“Margaritas in the moonlight, Just another American Saturday night.” — Brad Paisley

“It’s a fine line between Saturday night and Sunday morning.” — Jimmy Buffett

“People still act differently on a Saturday night for no reason other than it’s Saturday night.” — Susan Orleans

“We’re gonna howl at the moon, shoot out the light, It’s a small town Saturday night” — Hal Ketchum

“Oh, my sweet Saturday, I have been waiting for you for six long days.” — Charmaine J. Forde

Hiker looking at view iwth funny Saturday quotes by Forde

“Love me like Saturday night, like three glasses of champagne, like the room is spinning, like you’re drunk on my love.” — C.J. Carlyon

“Without Saturday, Sunday would just be another day of the week.” — Anthony T. Hincks

“We’re gonna howl at the moon, shoot out the light, It’s a small town Saturday night” – Hal Ketchum

“Saturday night’s alright for fighting, Get a little action in” — Elton John

Funny Sunday Quotes

These funny Sunday quotes will help you finish off the weekend. Also see our lists of Sunday Quotes and Sunday Morning Quotes.

“Sunday evenings often feel like the weekend is over before it’s even begun.” – Catherine McCormack

“Poetry is truth in its Sunday clothes.” – Philibert Joseph Roux

“Sundays are like confetti floating in the air in slow motion, in the evening they reach the ground and you hope a bit of wind could blow on them so they could fly a bit longer.” – Alain Bremond-Torrent

“Time flows in a strange way on Sundays.” – Haruki Murakami

“Without Sunday, I wouldn’t know when to put on the brakes of a hurtling life.” – Byron Pulsifer

“You know what Sunday is, and it’s a day with a lot of potential for naps.” – Polly Horvath

“SUNDAY – The day I planned a lot but did nothing.” – Lovely Goyal

“May your Sunday be full of fun and laughter.” – Kate Summers

“The goal of Sunday is to leave my home as little as possible.” – Mark Morris

Mountains with funny Sunday Quotes of the day by Mark Morris

“Sundays tend to be a day where just I do nothing but visit people. It’s kind of like trick-or-treating.” – Chuck Palahniuk

“I’m easy like Sunday morning.” — Commodores

“Feeling blessed, never stressed. Got that sunshine on my Sunday best.” — Surfaces, “Sunday Best”

“Sunday clears away the rust of the whole week.” – Joseph Addison

“Sunday! A family day with a touch of weekend thrown in for good measure.” — Anthony T. Hincks

“Sunday is the day when I prepare for the week ahead by making improbable To-Do lists and browsing Pinterest for ideas on how to decorate my imaginary mansion.” – Nanea Hoffman

“Sunday, the day for the language of leisure.” – Elfriede Jelinek

“Sunday just came down like a nine-pound hammer … it was tainted with the closing-in feeling of the loss of freedom. Because after the sun went down, it came back up on Monday morning. And you had to go to work five more days. And it sucked.” – Larry Brown

“The frantic pace of life is only interrupted by the quietness of Sunday.” – Byron Pulsifer

Short Funny Quotes of the Day

Here are some great short funny quotes of the day from our list of Funny Short Quotes.

“A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.” – Don Marquis

“I am only human, although I regret it.” – Mark Twain

“I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.” – Steven Wright

“He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.” – Charles de Gaulle

“A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.” – William James

“Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.” – Greg Tamblyn

“Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” – Will Rogers

Person looking at sunset with short funny quotes of the day by Rogers

“It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.” – Marlene Dietrich

“Life is hard. After all, it kills you.” – Katharine Hepburn

“Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.” — Stephen Hawking

“Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.” – Tina Fey

“Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.” – Ellen DeGeneres

“I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.” – H. Kyle Seale

“If you come to a fork in the road, take it.” – Yogi Berra

“I’m an optimist, but an optimist who carries a raincoat.” – Harold Wilson

“We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.” – Bryan White

“You can’t fix stupid.” – Ron White

“I’m not for everyone. I’m barely for me.” – Marc Maron

Funny Quotes About Today

Check out these funny quotes about today. We also have a list of Inspirational Quotes for Today.

“If you fell down yesterday, stand up today.” – H. G. Wells

“Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!” – Dr. Seuss

“Never regret yesterday. Life is in you today and you make your tomorrow.” – L. Ron Hubbard

“Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.” – Bil Keane

“The future starts today, not tomorrow.” – Pope John Paul II

“Never leave that till tomorrow which you can do today.” – Benjamin Franklin

Person looking at mountains with short inspirational quotes for today by Benjamin Franklin

“What you do today can improve all your tomorrows.” – Ralph Marston

“Don’t let yesterday use up too much of today.” – Will Rogers

“You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.” – Abraham Lincoln

“Never give up. Today is hard, tomorrow will be worse, but the day after tomorrow will be sunshine.” – Jack Ma

Funny Good Morning Quotes for Today

Start your day out right with these funny good morning quotes for today. You might also like our Inspirational Morning Quotes.

“Every morning, I wake up saying, ‘I’m still alive, a miracle.’ And so I keep on pushing.” — Jim Carrey

“Morning comes whether you set the alarm or not.” – Ursula K. Le Guin

“The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you. Don’t go back to sleep.” – Rumi

“The next morning dawned bright and sweet, like ribbon candy.“ — Sarah Addison Allen

“I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up.” – Benjamin Franklin

“Be the person that when your feet touch the floor in the morning the devil says, “Awe sh*t, they’re up”. – Dwayne Johnson

“I like my coffee black and my mornings bright.” – Terri Guillemets

Sunrise over river with good morning funny quotes for today

“Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I’m not going to make it, but you laugh inside—remembering all the times you’ve felt that way.”  — Charles Bukowski

“Today’s goals: Coffee and kindness. Maybe two coffees, and then kindness.” – Nanea Hoffman

“Let me wake up next to you, have coffee in the morning and wander through the city with your hand in mine, and I’ll be happy for the rest of my little life.” – Charlotte Eriksson

“I wake up laughing. Yes, I wake up in the morning and there I am just laughing my head off.” – Bruce Willis

“You know that feeling when you wake up in the morning and you’re excited for the day? That’s one of my main goals in life.” – Kirsten Dunst

Funny Sayings of the Day

If you like funny quotes of the day, you’ll probably also get a chuckle out of these funny sayings of the day. Check out our list of our Funny Sayings for more.

“It sure is strange that after Tuesday the rest of the week spells WTF.”

“It’s a beautiful day, I think I’ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit.”

“I sat quietly with my own thoughts today. Remind me to never do that again.”

Sunset over the ocean with funny sayings of the day

“Can someone please just give me a participation trophy for making it through today please?”

“‘It’s been a long week’ — Me, in the middle of Tuesday.”

“An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.”

“Yesterday I really wanted tacos. Now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams.”

“It’s only Tuesday? Monday took so long that I thought it was Wednesday!”

“After Tuesday, even the calendar goes W – T – F.”

“If Tuesday were a movie, it would be called Monday Part:2.”

“I wonder how to turn water into wine. Happy thirsty Thursday.”

“May your Thursday feel like pancakes and coffee on a Saturday morning.”

“It’s Friday! Time to go make stories for Monday.”

“Today is Friday night, which means that the only decision that you should be making is whether to have a bottle or a glass of wine.”

“Why is Monday so far away from Friday but Friday is so close to Monday?”

“Saturdays are for adventures, Sundays are for cuddling.”

“It’s not Saturday, it’s Satur-yay!”

“My Saturday was going pretty well until I realized it was Sunday!”

“If your Sunday doesn’t involve wine & yoga pants you’re doing it wrong.”

“Sunday?! But, I wasn’t done with Saturday yet…”

So that’s our list! We hope you found the funny quote for the day you were looking for.

Let us know in the comments below if we missed any funny quotes for the day that should be added.

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Child laughing with funny quotes of the day for pinterest

Other quotes lists that you may be interested in:

Funny Hiking Quotes

Funny Winter Quotes

Funny Spring Quotes

Funny Summer Quotes

Funny Fall Quotes

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