Funny Thanksgiving Quotes and Sayings for 2021

Thanksgiving is full of good food, time with family and, of course, football. But it is also a time when it’s handy to have some funny Thanksgiving quotes and sayings to keep everything light. Be prepared and check out our list of the best funny quotes for Thanksgiving that we gathered from across the internet. They include short funny Thanksgiving quotes for Instagram, funny Thanksgiving quotes for a smile, funny Happy Thanksgiving quotes and sayings, funny Thanksgiving sayings, funny turkey quotes and sayings, funny Happy Turkey Day sayings, and some funny captions on Thanksgiving for your turkey pics.

Whether you are looking for funny quotes for Thanksgiving to tickle your funny bone, an amusing caption for your Thanksgiving post or pics or just to add some humor to your day you should find what you are looking for here.

Jump ahead to your favourite category or just start scrolling to find your favorite funny quotes about Thanksgiving.

Funny Thanksgiving Quotes

Here are our favorite funny Thanksgiving quotes to give you a chuckle.

“I celebrated Thanksgiving the old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.” —Jon Stewart

“Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they see only once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.” —Johnny Carson

Table with decorations and funny Thanksgiving quotes by Johnny Carson

“I approximated the Black Friday experience at home by hurling myself into a wall a number of times and then ordering online.” —Kumail Nanjiani

“It’s like being at the kids’ table at Thanksgiving – you can put your elbows on it, you don’t have to talk politics… no matter how old I get, there’s always a part of me that’s sitting there.” – John Hughes

“Thanksgiving was nothing more than a pilgrim-created obstacle in the way of Christmas; a dead bird in the street that forced a brief detour.” – Augusten Burroughs

“When asked if my cup is half-full or half-empty my only response is that I am thankful I have a cup.” –  Sam Lefkowitz

“The Thanksgiving tradition is, we overeat. ‘Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?’ ‘But we do that every day!’ ‘Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?” —Jim Gaffigan

“Thanksgiving—when the people who are the most thankful are the ones who didn’t have to cook.” – Melanie White

“I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults’ table. That’s ’cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate.” —Andre Kelley

“Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.” – Stephen Colbert

Piece of pumpkin pie and a funny Thanksgiving quotes by Stephen Colbert

“Even though we’re a week and a half away from Thanksgiving, it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.” —Richard Roeper

“If you wish to make an apple pie truly from scratch you must first invent the universe.”—Carl Sagan

“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”—Stephen Colbert

“For those of you who cannot be with family this Thanksgiving, please resist the urge to brag.”—Andy Borowitz

“I like football. I find it an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.”—Craig Ferguson

“Archeologists 10,000 years from now will believe this was a sacred feast where gravy boats were worshipped.”—Just Bill

“But see, in our open clearings, how golden the melons lie; Enrich them with sweets and spices, and give us the pumpkin-pie!” – Margaret Junkin Preston

“Thanksgiving offers us an annual pause from the pace of life return to places we do not often visit and gather with people we do not often see.” – Jay Milbrandt

“I always think it’s funny when Indians celebrate Thanksgiving. I mean, sure, the Indians and Pilgrims were best friends during the first Thanksgiving, but a few years later, the Pilgrims were shooting Indians. So I’m never quite sure why we eat Turkey like everybody else.” – Sherman Alexie, The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian

Short Funny Thanksgiving Quotes for Instagram

If you are looking for a funny caption for your next post that your followers will love check out this list of short funny Thanksgiving quotes for Instagram. You might also like our list of Short Fall Quotes for Instagram.

“Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.” —Kevin James

“It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.” —Phyllis Diller

“Here I am, 5 o’clock in the morning, stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird’s butt.” – Rosanne in Rosanne

“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.” —Erma Bombeck

Orange Pumpkins in a row with short funny Thanksgiving Quotes for Instagram by Erma Bombeck

“Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.” —Jim Davis

“Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother’s tasted better the day before.”—Rita Rudner

“You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.”—Jay Leno

“Coexistence: What the farmer does with the turkey—until Thanksgiving.”—Mike Connolly

“If you think about a Thanksgiving dinner, it’s really like making a large chicken.”—Ina Garten

“Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftover in aluminum foil and throw them out.”—Nicole Hollander

“Good mashed potato is one of the great luxuries of life.” —Lindsey Bareham

“Pie makes everybody happy.”—Laurie Halse Anderson

“It’s Thanksgiving and we should not want to be together, together!”—Rachel Green, Friends

“I can’t cook a Thanksgiving dinner. All I can make is cold cereal and maybe toast.”—Charlie Brown

“Overeating at Thanksgiving is a case in point. It’s a national tradition.” – Eric Samuel Timm

“A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.”—Kin Hubbard

Someone carving a turkey with short funny thanksgiving quotes for Instagram by Kin Hubbard

“After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.”—Oscar Wilde

“There is no sincerer love than the love of food.”—George Bernard Shaw

“Of all of the food filled holidays, Thanksgiving reigns king in the United States.” – Gia Scott

“People who love to eat are always the best people.” – Julia Child

“On Thanksgiving Day we acknowledge our dependence.”—William Jennings Bryan

“Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.” – P.J. O’Rourke

“When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.” – Willie Nelson

Funny Thanksgiving Quotes for a Smile

We love these funny Thanksgiving quotes for a smile. They will definitely put a smile on your face!

“The funny thing about Thanksgiving ,or any big meal, is that you spend 12 hours shopping for it then go home and cook, chop, braise and blanch. Then it’s gone in 20 minutes and everybody lies around sort of in a sugar coma and then it takes 4 hours to clean it up.” – Ted Allen

“I’m looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family.” – Damien Fahey

“It’s not too much food. This is what we’ve been training for our whole lives. This is our destiny, this is our finest hour.” – Lorelai Gilmore, Gilmore Girls

“Hope my relatives are getting along with the professional line sitter I hired to hold my place at the front of the Thanksgiving food line.” —John Lyon

“There is one day that is ours. There is one day when all we Americans who are not self-made go back to the old home to eat saleratus biscuits and marvel how much nearer to the porch the old pump looks than it used to. Thanksgiving Day is the one day that is purely American.” – O. Henry

“My fondest memories are generally the day after Thanksgiving. I get the total decorating Christmas itch.” –  Katharine McPhee

“What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?” – Erma Bombeck

“Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home.” —Melanie White

“Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.” —Erma Bombeck

Table with fall decorations and a funny Thanksgiving quotes for a smile by Erma Bombeck

“I’m from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I’m thankful for that?” —Howie Mandel

“We’re having something different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing.” —George Carlin

“Thanksgiving is America’s national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty.”—Michael Dresser

“A new survey found that 80 percent of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense, when you hear them consider saying ‘that smells good’ to be helping.”—Jimmy Fallon

“I’m looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family.”—Damien Fahey

“You know that just before the first Thanksgiving there was one wise old Native American woman saying, “Don’t feed them. If you feed them, they’ll never leave.”—Dylan Brody

Pumpkin on a table and a funny thanksgiving quotes for a smile by Dylan Brody

“I suppose I will die never knowing what pumpkin pie tastes like when you have room for it.”—Robert Brault

“I love Thanksgiving because it is a holiday centered around food and family, two things that are of utmost importance to me.” – Marcus Samuelsson

“‘So what do we do?’ We do what all families do. Grin, bear it, and pass the mashed potatoes.” – Heather Brewer, Eleventh Grade Burns

Funny Happy Thanksgiving Quotes and Sayings

If you are looking for funny sayings for thanksgiving or funny Happy Thanksgiving quotes this section is for you.

“Turkey for the girls and Turkey for the boys. My favorite kind of pants are corduroys. Gobble gobble goo and Gobble gobble gickel. I wish turkey only cost a nickel. Oh I love turkey on Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving everybody!” – Adam Sandler, The Thanksgiving Song

“Happy Thanksgiving! Hope you enjoy some moist turkey on your dinner table, and some juicy gossip around it.”

“May the wishbone snap in your favor this Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving!”

Flower and a pumpkin with a funny happy thanksgiving quotes and sayings

“A best friend is someone who lets you have the last piece of pumpkin pie. Happy Thanksgiving to you!”

“This Thanksgiving, my heart is bursting with gratitude, and my pants are bursting with several helpings of mashed potatoes.”

“This Thanksgiving, may your heart be as full as your belly.”

“I hope your Thanksgiving table is full of your favorite food and surrounded by your favorite people.”

“On this Thanksgiving day, let us be grateful that we were not born turkeys. Happy Thanksgiving!”

Funny Thanksgiving Sayings

Here are our favorite funny sayings about thanksgiving that no one quite knows who said first but still made us laugh.

“May your stuffing be tasty. May your turkey be plump. May your potatoes and gravy have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious and your pies take the prize, and may your Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs!”

“We may not have it all together, but together, we have it all.”

“It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without a little emotional scarring.”

“Thanksgiving: Bringing out the best in family dysfunction since 1863.”

“Thanksgiving is a lot like Christmas, except you don’t get any presents for holding in your familial rage.”

“There’s always something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. Even if it’s just not being a turkey.”

Someone holding a yellow leaf and funny Thanksgiving sayings

“May your pants stay stretchy, your glasses stay full, and your family avoid talking politics.”

“This is a reminder to set your scale back ten pounds this weekend.”

“Leftovers are for quitters.”

“It’s not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it’s the seconds.”

Funny Turkey Quotes and Sayings

The turkey is the star of Thanksgiving and here are some funny turkey quotes and funny turkey sayings.            

“May the turkey leg be yours this Thanksgiving.”

“It has been an unchallengeable American doctrine that cranberry sauce, a pink goo with overtones of sugared tomatoes, is a delectable necessity of the Thanksgiving board and that turkey is uneatable without it.” – Alistair Cooke

“It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with gourmet status.” – Russell Baker

“If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey, man, just be yourself.” —Mitch Hedberg

“Real ballplayers pass the stuffing by rolling it up in a ball and batting it across the table with a turkey leg.”—Tom Swyers

“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shotgun going, Blam! Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”—Kenny Rogerson

A roasted turkey with funny turkey quotes by kenny Rogerson

“Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries, has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.” —Ambrose Bierce

“You can’t have Thanksgiving without turkey. That’s like Fourth of July without apple pie, or Friday with no two pizzas.”—Joey Tribbiani, Friends

“The turkey. The sweet potatoes. The stuffing. The pumpkin pie. Is there anything else we can agree so vehemently about? I don’t think so.” – Nora Ephron

“The Thankstini: A fun and delicious new novelty drink I invented. Cranberry juice, potato vodka, and a bouillon cube. Tastes just like a turkey dinner.” – Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother

Funny Happy Turkey Day Sayings

These funny Happy Turkey Day sayings are the best way to wish someone a Happy Thanksgiving.

“I was going to wish you a Happy Turkey Day, but I didn’t want to use any fowl language.”

Turkey decoration with a funny happy Turkey Day Sayings

“Thanksgiving is here, and I cran-barely contain my excitement. Hope you have a great Turkey Day.”

“Turkey Day is the moist wonderful time of the year.”

“May your Turkey Day be full of excitement… except for a couple of hours in there when you want to take a nap.”

“Hope your relatives stay relatively sober and relatively non-political this Turkey Day.”

“Hope your Turkey Day is full of fun, food, family, and most importantly, football.”

Last Funny Quotes About Thanksgiving

Our last few funny quotes about Thanksgiving are well worth reading.

“My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.” – Phyllis Diller

“An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.” —Irv Kupcinet

Piles of gourds with a funny quotes about Thanksgiving by Irv Kupcinet

“When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving. But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog. Only kidding. It was the cat!” – David Letterman

“I dropped the turkey after rubbing olive oil all over it. I rinsed it off, rubbed the oil on again, and cooked it. Didn’t tell anybody for 10 years… I just told them last year. Oh well, it didn’t kill anybody or make them sick!” – Debbie K. Jefferson

“We began to view Thanksgiving as just another paid holiday.” – Shari MacDonald

“I know what I’m having for Thanksgiving and it ain’t turkey.” – Anthony T. Hincks

If you like these funny quotes you might also like Funny Winter Quotes, Funny Halloween Quotes, Funny Hiking Quotes and Funny Mountain Quotes.

Funny Thanksgiving Captions

These are our favorite funny Thanksgiving captions from our list of Funny Captions About Thanksgiving. You might also want to check out our full list of Perfect Thanksgiving Captions.

Turkey and wine and I’m feeling fine

Let’s get basted

Gobble ’til you wobble

Thanksgiving: A time to count blessings, not carbs

Thanksgiving table decorations with a clever Thanksgiving captions that says Thanksgiving: a time to count blessing, not carbs

Current status: stuffed like a turkey

This wine pairs well with a crazy family

Here’s the one photo we got before the food coma hit…

It’s all gravy, baby

Eat, drink, and be thankful

Pumpkins and veggies with a Thanksgiving captions that reads eat drink and be thankful

Stop, drop, and pass the rolls

Hit me, gravy, one more time

B-autumns up

Eat, drink, and wear stretchy pants

Too blessed to be stressed

Horn of plenty with a cute Thanksgiving captions that says too blessed to be stressed

To do: Eat, drink, nap. Repeat.

Thankful, blessed, and mashed potato obsessed

Keep calm and gobble on

Funny Pumpkin Quotes and Captions

And what is Thanksgiving without pumpkins? Here are our favorites from our list of Perfect Pumpkin and Pumpkin Patch Captions.

Cutest pumpkins in the patch

Pumpkin Everything

Pumpkin season has begun

Pumped for pumpkins

Field of pumpkins at sunset with a pumpkin field captions that reads pumped for pumpkins

Pure pumpkin goodness

I’m no Cinderella, but I know that pumpkins are magical

What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.

I’ve never met a pumpkin I didn’t like

two pumpkins on a hay bale with pumkin captions that reads I've never met a pumpkin I didn't like

“I don’t see how a pumpkin patch could be more sincere than this one.” —It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

“I’d say the first thing you need is … a pumpkin.” —Cinderella

“I tromped through the pumpkin patch.” —The Nightmare Before Christmas

“If you’re ever wondering what to wear, just dress like a pumpkin, you’re good to go. — Devendra Banhart

“Only the knife knows what goes on in the heart of a pumpkin.”— Simone Schwarz-Bart

Funny Fall Quotes and Captions

Fall and Thanksgiving go hand in hand. You might want to check out our lists of Fall Quotes and Perfect Fall Captions for those crisp autumn days.

Autumn skies and pumpkin pies

Fall is my excuse for pumpkin everything

Pumpkin spice and everything nice

Pumpkin, bale of hay and wagon wheel with a fall selfie captions that reads pumpkin spice and everything nice

Autumn leaves and pumpkins please

Oh my gourd I love fall

By this time my blood type is pumpkin spice

Hay baby, hay baby, hay!

If you’re not into fall, you can leaf me alone

Don’t stop be-leafing

Four red canadian leaves held in a hand with a funny fall captions that reads don't stop be-leafing

Keep calm and fall on

Fall? You mean football season!

Falling for this season

Don’t sweat the fall stuff

“Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.” — David Letterman

“No shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees, no fruits, no flowers, no leaves, no birds — November!” — Thomas Hood

“It’s like going back to school. You know, autumn! Time for ‘Harry Potter’.” — Robbie Coltrane

Trees with yellow leaves and a funny fall quotes by Robbie Coltrane

So that’s our list. We hope you found the funny quotes on Thanksgiving you were looking for.

Let us know in the comments below if we missed a funny Thanksgiving quote that should be added and have a Happy Thanksgiving!

And now that Thanksgiving is here Christmas is just around the corner. Here are Short Christmas Quotes and Sayings and Perfect Christmas Captions for the most festive of seasons.

Pin it for Later!

Other quotes lists that you may be interested in:

Sunflower Quotes

Camping Quotes

Fishing Quotes

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