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100 Funny Tuesday Quotes

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Tuesdays are always a little different. This collection of the best funny Tuesday quotes can help make your Tuesdays better. We think that when it comes to Tuesday quotes, funny ones are the best, so we’ve gathered all the best including short funny quotes about Tuesday, funny Tuesday morning quotes, funny happy Tuesday quotes, funny Tuesday motivational quotes, cute funny quotes for Tuesday, funny Tuesday quotes for work, funny new day quotes on Tuesday, and funny Tuesday sayings.

If you like funny quotes for the days of the week, you should also head over to our lists of Funny Monday Quotes, Funny Wednesday Quotes, Funny Thursday Quotes, Funny Friday Quotes, Funny Saturday Quotes and Funny Sunday Quotes.

You might also like our list of Perfect Tuesday Quotes.

Kick off the week with a bit of humor with these funny Tuesday quotes. And even though we like all Tuesday images funny ones are the best so have also added some great funny Tuesday images that you can use.

Scroll on through to find your favorite funny Tuesday quote or skip ahead to your favorite category.

Funny Tuesday Quotes

Here are some funny Tuesday quotes to start your day with a chuckle. And if you like funny quotes, you should head to our lists of Funny Love QuotesFunny Life QuotesFunny Short QuotesFunny Good Morning QuotesFunny Quotes of the Day, and Funny Inspirational Quotes.

“Addiction – when you can give up something any time, as long as it’s next Tuesday.” ― Nikki Sixx

“Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday.” ― Will Ferrell

Trees and mountain with funny Tuesday Quotes by Ferrell

“You can write the best column in the world on Monday, and it does you absolutely no good on Tuesday.” ― Lewis Grizzard

“There is a breed of Tuesday in January in which time creeps and no light comes and the air is full of water and nobody really loves anybody.” ― Zadie Smith

“For some people, showing up at a bridal salon without a ring or a groom might appear bizarre and quite unusual–but for me, it’s a regular Tuesday afternoon.” ― Tinsely Mortimer

“The Tuesday scowls, the Wednesday growls, the Thursday curses, the Friday howls, the Saturday snores, the Sunday yawns, the Monday morns.” ― Samuel Beckett

“In my time, we didn’t know songs could last. All we ever thought of was next Tuesday. You never imagined a future.” ― Donovan

“Tuesday is the most sensible day of the week.” ― Emily P. Freeman

Person looking at lake with quotes on Tuesdays by Emily Freeman

“On Tuesday, when it hails and snows. The feeling on me grows and grows. That hardly anybody knows. If those are these or these are those.” ― A. A. Milne

“I’m not the kind of actor that would know what my character had for breakfast last Tuesday.” ― Liam Neeson

Short Funny Quotes About Tuesday

Laugh your way through the week with these short Tuesday funny quotes. Also check out our larger list of Best Short Quotes.

“Tuesday just called and wants to know what happened to Friday!” ― Neil Leckman

“Tuesday is my favorite day of the week. That’s cleaning day.” ― Jim Miller

“Tuesday is neither here nor there in the hierarchy of the week.” ― Anthony T. Hincks

“There isn’t a Monday that would not cede its place to Tuesday.” ― Anton Chekhov

“Why does winter feel like one big Tuesday?” ― Todd Stocker

Woman throwing snow with short funny quotes about Tuesday by Todd Stocker

“If this depression stays with us, the loser Tuesday is going to be the winner.” ― Will Rogers

“I am only human, although I regret it.” ― Mark Twain

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” ― Steve Martin

“I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.” ― Steven Wrigh

“It can’t be Sunday every day. There are also Mondays and Tuesdays.” ― George Weah

Woman looking at mountains with Tuesday Quotes by George Weah

“He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.” ― Charles de Gaulle

“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” ― Steven Wright

“It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.” ― Marlene Dietrich

“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” ― Elbert Hubbard

Funny Tuesday Morning Quotes

Check out these funny Tuesday morning quotes. Pick your favorite Tuesday morning funny quotes here and if you like early mornings, you might also like our lists of Sunday Morning Quotes, Monday Morning Quotes, Inspirational Morning Quotes, Good Morning Quotes and Funny Good Morning Quotes.

“Everyone wants me to be a morning person. I could be one, only if morning began after noon.” ― Tony Smite

“Birds scream at the top of their lungs in horrified hellish rage every morning at daybreak to warn us all of the truth, but sadly we don’t speak bird.” ― Kurt Cobain

“No likes Tuesday morning but at least it’s not Monday morning.” ― Bev Johnston

Sunset over the ocean wtih funny Tuesday morning quotes

“I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up.” — Benjamin Franklin

“Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day.” — Glen Cook

“Good morning is a contradiction of terms.” — Jim Davis

“Every single day I wake up and make up my mind that I am going to work really hard. Then my mind laughs at me and says ‘Good joke.’ Then we laugh for some more time and I go back to bed.” — Gehenna Toss

“I hate mornings, they start so early.” — Janet Evanovich

“I hate when I dream of alarm clocks going off.” — Jarod Kintz

“Tuesday morning is a time to reflect upon the words you use; are they positive filled words or complaining words; are the words that inspire others and are a positive influence; you choose your words, make them count.” ― Byron Pulsifer

“I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.” — Lewis Black

“I like my coffee black and my mornings bright.” – Terri Guillemets

Sunrise over river with good morning funny quotes for today

“Morning comes whether you set the alarm or not.” — Ursula Le Guin

“When reality and dreams collide, typically it’s just your alarm clock going off.” — Crystal Woods

“Some people wake up drowsy. Some people wake up energized. I wake up dead.” — James Marsden

“The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.” — Dorothy Parker

“Mornings are pure evil from the pits of hell, which is why I don’t do them anymore.” ― Rachel Caine

Funny Happy Tuesday Quotes

These funny happy Tuesday quotes will make you smile. You might also like our lists of Short Happy Quotes and Happy Quotes About Life to find some more.

“Thinking about happy times on a Tuesday is like going to the beach when there is no sun.” ― Alain Bremond-Torrent

“Happy Tuesday! Decide what you want. Believe you can have it. Believe you deserve it and believe it’s possible for you.” ― Jack Canfield

“Let Tuesday tarnish your day with love and smiles. Happy Tuesday.” ― Anthony T. Hincks

City at night with funny happy Tuesday quotes by Hincks

“Did someone order a bright and sunny day? Well…here it is. Happy Tuesday!” ― Anthony T. Hincks

“The only thing that will make you happy is being happy with who you are.” ― Goldie Hawn

“Simplicity makes me happy.” ― Alicia Keys

“The most important thing is to enjoy your life—to be happy—it’s all that matters.” ― Audrey Hepburn

“The truly wise and happy are never rushed.” ― Maxime Lagacé

“I’d far rather be happy than right any day.” ― Douglas Adams

“Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.” ― Anne Frank

“To be happy, we must not be too concerned with others.” ― Albert Camus

“Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.” ― Omar Khayyam

Person silhouetted on cliff at sunrise with short happy quotes about life by Omar Khayyam

“Do not set aside your happiness. Do not wait to be happy in the future. The best time to be happy is always now.” ― Roy T. Bennett

“If you want to be happy, be.” ― Leo Tolstoy

“Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.” ― Benjamin Franklin

“The mere sense of living is joy enough.” ― Emily Dickinson

“One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.” ― Rita Mae Brown

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” ― Oscar Wilde

“Be happy. It really annoys negative people.” ― Ricky Gervais

Funny Tuesday Motivational Quotes

This list of funny Tuesday motivation will make you laugh. Check out our list of Tuesday Motivation Quotes for more. And if you like inspirational quotes, check out our lists of Short Inspirational Quotes, Inspirational Morning Quotes, Inspirational Quotes for Today, and Inspirational Quotes for Work.

“Tuesday is a huge day.” ― Ian Mcdougal

“Have a beautiful Tuesday! Your mantra is: ‘All I have is all I need and all I need is all I have in this moment.’” ― Bryan Katie

“We never know what a week from next Tuesday is going to hold. It may be an ordinary day filled with quite regular activities and demands. Most of the time that is exactly what a week from next Tuesday will hold.” ― Matthew Rich

“By Tuesday morning, we’d gotten over the worst of it.” ― William Scranton

“Today’s accomplishments were yesterday’s impossibilities.” – Robert H. Schuller

Hiker on snowy trail with funny Tuesday motivation quotes

“You can’t help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn’t spell it right; but spelling isn’t everything. There are days when spelling Tuesday simply doesn’t count.” ― A. A. Milne

“A day without laughter is a day wasted.” ― Charlie Chaplin

“Do or do not. There is no try.” ― Yoda

“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.” ― Winnie the Pooh

“We’re Tuesday people.” ― Mitch Albom

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” ― A. A. Milne

“Dream big, stay positive, work hard, and enjoy the journey.” – Urijah Faber

Man at beach viewpoint with short inspirational quotes for success by Urijah Faber

“I’d take half an argument over half a silence any day. And I’d take peace and quiet over a full-blown argument any other day unless it’s Tuesday.” ― Will Advise

“Nothing is impossible. The word itself says “I’m possible!”” ― Audrey Hepburn

“If you come to a fork in the road, take it.” ― Yogi Berra

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily.” — Zig Ziglar

“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” — Robin Williams

Cute Funny Quotes for Tuesday

These cute funny quotes for Tuesday will put a smile on your face. You might also like our list of Short Cute Quotes.

“No matter how successful you are, no matter how good you are at what you do, even if a golden path rolls out in front of your feet your whole life, there will come one particularly bleak Tuesday when you glance over at Facebook and notice that Jen From Down The Hall has just won an Oscar.” ― Alexandra Petri

“There is no point in learning on a Tuesday when on a Thursday it might be completely different.” ― Alycia Debnam-Carey

“I don’t want it good. I want it Tuesday.” ― Jack L. Warner

Desert city with cute funny quotes for Tuesday by Warner

“The days were heavy and sticky. All identical, one the same as the other. Soon they would even get rid of their one remaining distinction, the shell of their names: Monday, Tuesday, Thursday.” ― Ismail Kadaré

“Tuesday nights are sushi nights, so we go out then.” ― Al Rocker

“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” ― Steven Wright

“Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” ― Ashleigh Brilliant

“I object only when it reaches a stage when I am threatened with having nothing left for my old age – which is due to start next Tuesday or Wednesday.” ― Noel Coward

“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” ― Joan Crawford

“I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic.” ― Sarah Rees Brennan

“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” ― Robin Williams

“If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.” ― Lawrence Ferlinghetti

“I became insane with long periods intervals of horrible sanity.” ― Edgar Allen Poe

Funny Tuesday Quotes for Work

Here are a few of our favorites from our list of funny Tuesday quotes for work, you should also check out our lists of Funny Work Quotes, Funny Teamwork Quotes, Inspirational Work Quotes and Hard Work Quotes. And we have you covered for the rest of the work week with Monday Work Quotes, Wednesday Work Quotes, Thursday Work Quotes and Friday Work Quotes. Find your favorite funny Tuesday work quote now!

“Sunday just came down like a nine-pound hammer … it was tainted with the closing-in feeling of the loss of freedom. Because after the sun went down, it came back up on Monday morning. And you had to go to work five more days. And it sucked.” ― Larry Brown

“Tuesday is a good day, you survived Monday. And tomorrow is Wednesday, half way through your work week!” ― Kate Summers

Man on mountain with funny Tuesday quotes for work by Kate Summers

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” ― Drew Carey

“Creativity is a highfalutin word for the work I have to do between now and Tuesday.” ― Ray Kroc

“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen

“If you love the work you are doing, then you will love Tuesday!” ― Catherine Pulsifer

“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald

“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin

“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde

“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates

“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar

“Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day-in and day-out.” – Robert Collier

Hiker on mountain trail with Tuesday quotes about work by Collier

“No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” — Zig Ziglar

“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb

“The reward for good work is more work.” — Francesca Elisia

“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome

“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen

Funny New Day Quotes on Tuesday

Check out these funny new day quotes on Tuesday, then check out our list of New Day Quotes for more.

“Isn’t it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes in it yet?” ― L.M. Montgomery

“The beginning is the most important part of the work.” ― Plato

“Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one.” ― Brad Paisley

“Every day is new. It’s just a new day. I look at six hours at a time.” ― Wiz Khalifa

“Today is a new day. Even if you were wrong yesterday, you can get it right today.” ― Dwight Howard

Sunrise over a volcano with today is a new day funny quotes for Fridayby Dwight Howard

“If you’re not getting it perfect, life is still going to go around. The world still turns. It’s going to be OK. Tomorrow is a new day.” ― Katy Mixon

“Each new day has a different shape to it. You just roll with it.” ― Ben Zobrist

“Every day brings you a chance to draw in a breath, kick off your shoes and dance.” ― Oprah Winfrey

“Man starts over again every new day, in spite of all he knows, despite all he knows.” ― Emil Cioran

“Every day is a new day. It is better to be lucky. But I would rather be exact. Then, when luck comes, you are ready.” ― Ernest Hemingway

“Everyone has highs and lows that they have to learn from, but, every morning, I start off with a good head on my shoulders, saying to myself, it’s going to be a good day!” ― Lindsay Lohan

“My grandmother lived to 104 years old, and part of her success was she woke up every morning to a brand new day.” ― George Takei

Funny Tuesday Quotes of the Day

Here are some great funny quotes of the day for each day of the week. If you like days of the week quotes, check out our lists of Monday QuotesWednesday Quotes , Thursday QuotesFriday QuotesSaturday Quotes and Sunday Quotes.

“So. Monday. We meet again. We will never be friends – but maybe we can move past our mutual enmity toward a more positive partnership.” – Julio Alexi Genao

“When life gives you Monday, dip it in glitter and sparkle all day.” – Ella Woodward

“The best weeks start on Monday.” – Nice Peter

“If each day is a gift, I’d like to know where to return Mondays!” – John Wagner

Sunrise over river with funny Monday morning quotes for work by Wagner

“Don’t let a day of the week have so much power over your happiness. Happy Monday!” – Andrea L’Artiste

“Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.” – Steven Wright

“Today I am doing better than yesterday, and tomorrow I hope to be doing better than I am today. And two days from now? Well, that’s a Monday, so I’ll be feeling shitty.” ― Jarod Kintz

“It can’t be Sunday every day. There are also Mondays and Tuesdays.” – George Weah

“Wednesdays are like Mondays in the middle of the week!” – Lee Fox Williams

Lake and trees with funny Wednesday Quotes by Williams

“A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.” – Demetri Martin

“I wish you a tolerable Thursday. That’s all any of us can hope for.” – April Winchell

“Thursday is perhaps the worst day of the week. It’s nothing in itself; it just reminds you that the week has been going on too long” – Nicci French

“It’s 4:58 on Friday afternoon. Do you know where your margarita is?” ― Amy Neftzger

“Happy Friday! Here’s to all of us who made it through another week of faking adulthood.” – Nanea Hoffman

“Oh, my sweet Saturday, I have been waiting for you for six long days.” – Charmaine J. Forde

“I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.” – Anna Scott

“The goal of Sunday is to leave my home as little as possible.” – Mark Morris

Person with raised arms with funny lazy Sunday quotes by Morris

“Happiness is a hot bath on a Sunday afternoon.” – A.D. Posey

Funny Tuesday Sayings

Hopefully you will laugh a bit at these funny Tuesday sayings. These funny sayings about Tuesday will help you get through the day and you might also like our larger list of Funny Sayings.

“People who say “good morning” should be forced to prove it. Happy Tuesday!”

“If TGIF is Thank God It’s Friday, then today must be SH*T, Sure Happy It’s Tuesday.”

“After Tuesday, even the calendar goes W – T – F.”

“It’s only Tuesday? Monday took so long that I thought it was Wednesday!”

Hiker resting with funny Tuesday sayings

“May your Tuesday feel like pancakes and coffee on a Saturday morning.”

“Tuesday. The most useless day. it only exists as a reminder that it’s been a really long week…and it’s still not over.”

“If Tuesday were a movie, it would be called Monday Part:2.”

“Nothing screws up your Friday like realizing it’s only Tuesday.”

“Tuesday isn’t so bad…It’s a sign that I’ve somehow survived Monday.”

“Tuesdays are the new Monday.”

Person looking at ocean cliffs with funny Instagram Tuesday captions

“Today has been the Mondayest Tuesday ever.”

“I am having Monday feelings towards Tuesday.”

“Would anyone object if we moved casual Fridays to Tuesdays?”

“Live every day like it’s Taco Tuesday.”

So that’s our list! We hope we’ve helped you find the best Tuesday funny quote you were looking for and that you enjoyed our funny Tuesday images.

Check out our Monday Captions, Tuesday Captions, Wednesday Captions, Thursday Captions, Friday Captions, Saturday Captions and Sunday Captions for every day of the week.

Now get out there and enjoy your Tuesday!

If we missed your favorite quote about Tuesday, let us know in the comments below.

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City at night

Other Quotes You Might Be Interested In:

Wednesday Motivation Quotes

Thursday Motivation Quotes

Friday Motivational Quotes

Friday Captions

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