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Advice Needed

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Dear Xaviera:

A friend of mine recently did some sustained hiking while wearing only swimming trunks and no underwear. This resulted in some rather painful chafing, obvious loss of skin and some minor blood loss. How can he remedy this problem and get back to his normal carefree, swinging lifestyle?

Rubbed Raw, Belize

Dear Rubbed Raw,

Your friend’s affliction is common enough, even if the cause is unique. What he needs to do is apply one standard-issue NY Giants bandaid to the affected area in order to protect against future irritation. That, along with a generous amount of lotion, will have him back pleasing the sports fan in his life in no time.


Dear Xaviera:

My husband recently managed to actually hurt himself by not wearing any underwear. I have since taken every opportunity to belittle and undermine him, sometimes even going so far as to take pleasure in his pain. Does this make me a bad person?

All Fun and Games, Belize

Dear All Fun and Games,

Yes, it does.

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