Just because Valentine’s Day is all about love and romance doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a few laughs as well, which is why we have put together a list of all the best funny Valentine’s Day quotes for you to share. And if you’re looking for funny Valentine’s Day sayings, we also have you covered.
Now go ahead and browse through to find your favorite.
Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes
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“You’re never alone on Valentine’s Day if you’re near a lake and have bread.” — Mike Primavera
You’re the only person I would share my snacks with during a zombie apocalypse.
Will you say that you’ll be mine? Will you be my Valentine? My hopeful guess is a great big hug with the sweetest, “Yes!”
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner
Our love is like Wi-Fi – sometimes it’s slow, but it’s essential for my happiness!
I wear my heart on my sleeve. That’s why I never wear a tank top.
“You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.” — Hussein Nishah
“Valentine’s Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don’t have a special someone, you’re alone.” —Lewis Black
We mermaid for each other!
You quack me up.
If this Valentine could talk, it would say, “Get me out of this envelope!”
Are you a router? Because you’re Wi-Fi material.
You shower me with love, Valentine. My favorite weather!
Valentine’s Day is the one day a year where it’s perfectly acceptable to eat way too much chocolate. The other 364 days, too.
Wishing you a Valentine’s Day that’ll make you wag your tail! If you had one.
What did one ice cream bar say to the other? You make me melt.
You’re the glaze to my donut, the sweet to my heart! Love you, Valentine!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I bought you chocolate because I ate yours too!
“Valentine, just a few words to tell you how I love you. I have loved you since the first day I saw you. Whenever that was.” ― Charles M. Schulz
You must be a geologist because you rock my world.
You’re the reason I look down at my phone and smile – then walk into a pole.
What did one shoe say to the other? You’re my sole-mate.
You’re soda-lightful.
Sending you 100% natural, organic love, Valentine! Locally-sourced hugs and kisses to follow.
Valentine, if you’ll be mine, my heart will ring with music! If we eat Mexican, it will be accompanied by a tooting section.
You stole my heart, but don’t worry; I’ll let you keep it because you make it skip a beat anyway!
I love you to Reese’s pieces.
Unlike the toilet paper, my love for you will never run out. Happy Valentine’s Day Forever!
Valentine, I pick you. Every single day.
Ewe woolly stole my heart. And it’s shear delight, Babe!
I love you once and flor-al!
Valentine’s Day is like a fine chocolate – sweet, indulgent, and best enjoyed with you.
Also, I’m single this year.
You’re like my favorite card in a deck: the king/queen of *my* heart.
People think we’re aliens, but it’s just because our love is out of this world.
“The great question which I have not been able to answer… is, ‘What does a woman want?’ — Freud
Happy Valentine’s Day to my huggy bear from your kissy face. Love you!
Friends who love you, friends who support you… these are the true Valentines.
I love you a little s’more every day. You are lip-smackin’ sweetness, Valentine!
I’ll never take you for granite.
Be my Boo. Or I’ll be Boo-Hoo! Be mine, Valentine?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
You’re the WiFi to my smartphone – I can’t live without you.
“Where love is the case, the doctor is an ass.” — English Proverb
I wish you a beary Happy Valentines… With all my huggy heart!
May all the love you’ve thrown out there come back to smack you in the nicest way.
I have strong felines for you.
“Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on x-rays, but you know it’s there.” — George Burns
Zoom in. Hold. There. Keep holding…keep holding… Forever is good.
“Without Valentine’s Day, February would be…well, January.” — Jim Gaffigan
Our love is like a needle. It’s just sew special to me!
Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.
Your outfit must be made out of husband/wife material.
“It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.” — Lucille Ball
Our love is like a good joke – it gets better with time and always leaves us laughing.
You’re my favorite notification – forget Facebook, you’re my constant ‘Heartbook’ update!
You’re the peanut butter to my jelly, the cheese to my macaroni, and the laughter in my heart.
You must be glue, because I’m sticking with you.
”Never sign a Valentine with your own name.” — Charles Dickens
I was gonna stuff all my love for you into your Valentine. But it was kinda like trying to get into your skinny jeans the day after Thanksgiving.
“In case I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight.” — Pretty Woman
“Love is being stupid together.” — Paul Valery
You’re my tweet-heart.
My love for you is never in vein.
Love is like a fart— if you have to force it, it’s probably not that great.
Love is being stupid together, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
“The thing about Valentine’s day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of.” — Faye Morgan
“I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.” – Woody Allen
I donut know what I’d do without you. I donut want to know. Love you, Sweetie!
“The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone.” — Dolly Parton
You’re my emergency contact because who else would I trust with my snacks and secrets?
“You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.” — Henny Youngman
I love you a whole watt.
Are you a flame?! Because I think I found my perfect match.
You stole my heart and now you’re under cardiac arrest.
You’re the missing piece to my puzzle, or maybe you’re just the puzzle’s funny shape!
“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” — Richard Jeni
“The thing about Valentine’s day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of.” — Faye Morgan
You must be a campfire, because you’re hot and I want s’more.
“I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours, I watched whatever I wanted on TV.” — Tracy Smith
You’re the peanut butter to my jelly – a little nutty but totally irresistible!
You’re the ‘perfect match’ to my unique couples mug – stirring up happiness in every sip!
“You know how people say, ‘You can’t live without love’? Well, oxygen is even more important.” – Dr. Gregory Houser
“Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.” — W. Somerset Maugham
“True love is singing karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part.” — Mindy Kaling
I dig you a hole lot.
Don’t play heart to get.
“Love is what you’ve been through with somebody.” — James Thurber
“Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.” — David Sedaris
If love is the answer, then could you rephrase the question?” — Lily Tomlin
”Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love” — Albert Einstein
“So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea. — King Jaffe Joffer
Are you a locksmith? Because you have the key to my heart.
This may sound corny, but you are a-maize-ing.
I love you more than pizza, and that’s saying a lot.
“Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell
Valentine’s Day is the only day I’ll willingly get all mushy. Well, that and when pizza is involved.
Wishing you a Valentine’s Day you’ll love! So, candy, candy, candy, candy? Happy Heart Day!
“Oh here’s an idea: let’s make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine’s Day. That’s not weird at all.” — Jimmy Fallon
I love you more than… more than… It would appear I love you more.
Love is like a fine wine; it gets better with time, and a little bit of humor makes it bubbly.
You don’t have to be a locksmith to have the key to my heart.
You *must* be part magnet, because you always find a way to attract me to you!
“Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it.” — Phyllis Schlafly
On Valentine’s Day, it can be difficult to be alone, but it helps to fortify yourself with chocolate, the remote, and a vivid memory of your worst date. Happy Valentine’s Day!
“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” – Joan Crawford
You’re the missing piece to my puzzle, and trust me, I’ve been searching for a while!
“One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.” — Oscar Wilde
You’re the marshmallow to my hot cocoa—sweet, cozy, and essential for a perfect day.
“Love is blind—marriage is the eye-opener.” — Pauline Thomason
I can heart-ly wait to see you.
Your name must be Autumn because I am falling for you.
You remind me a lot of a keyboard—you’re just my type!
If you were words on a page, you’d be fine print.
Pudgy little baby child with a bow and arrow? No one sees that coming.
“Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women; a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom.” — Jerry Seinfeld
Yoda best Valentine.
Have a HUGELY Happy Valentine’s Day
You must be a bowling ball, because you’re right up my alley.
Valentine, I’d compare you to the most exclusive wines and caviars, but I don’t like those.
Love is not having to say you’re sorry… until you finish the last piece of chocolate.
I mustache you a question…will you be my Valentine?
If love is blind, our future together must be incredibly bright!
“Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore.” — Bree Luckey
Orange you glad we met? Your sweet squeezes weaken my kneeses!
“If you text ‘I love you’ and the person writes back an emoji—no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back.” — Chelsea Peretti
You stole a pizza my heart! You saucy thing.
Good shot, Cupid, good shot. Love you, Valentine!
What do you call the world’s smallest Valentine? A Valen-tiny!
They say love is blind, but I’m pretty sure marriage is a real eye-opener!
Our love story: Eat, Sleep, Love, Repeat. Well, mostly eat.
Valentine’s Day: Because love makes even the most mundane activities feel like a romantic comedy.
“Would I rather be feared or loved? Umm… easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” — Michael Scott, The Office
If I had to choose between you and a chocolate fountain, it would be a tough call.
“To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia.” — H. L. Mencken
Love you smore – Valentine’s Day Card
“Love is a grave mental illness.” — Plato
I’ve got my ion you!
You don’t miss a beat.
“Love is sharing your popcorn.” — Charles Schulz
You’re more amazing than sweet tea and Moon Pies.
Love is like a roller coaster, and with you, I’m willing to ride the crazy loops!
Are you a thief? Because you stole my heart.
If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.
“A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love.” — Friedrich Nietzsche
“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” — The Office
Love is sharing your popcorn. Bonus points if it’s during a romantic movie, and you still have some left.
Some people make your heart go pitter-patter. You make mine dance! Best. Valentine. Ever.
You must be a car, because I’m head over wheels for you.
“Remember, your Valentine’s card shows you care enough to send the very best, even though you’re too lazy to put it in your own words.” – Melanie White
Roses are red, violets are blue, I bought chocolates, but I ate them too.
Mr. Walker, you’re wished a fun-filled day, wondering who sent you this Valentine! Thanks for teaching your heart out for us!
Don’t worry about paying rent! You can live inside my heart for free.
“I didn’t fall for you, you tripped me!” — Jenny Han
I love you more than coffee, and that’s saying a latte!
A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” – Tim Allen
Relationship status: Eating my feelings in heart-shaped chocolates.
You’re shrimp-ly the best.
Our love is like custom T-shirts – perfectly tailored, unique, and always in style!
So that is it for our list of Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes and Sayings. We hope you found the perfect one for you!
If you like these, you might also want to check out our other lists of Funny Winter Quotes, Funny Merry Christmas Wishes and Short Happy New Year Quotes.
About the Author
Laynni Locke
Laynni has been sharing her travel adventures and day-to-day life on Routinely Nomadic social media for over 15 years and appreciates the importance of finding the perfect quote or caption to showcase those experiences. Putting her extensive writing and education background to good use, Laynni has become passionate about researching and curating comprehensive lists of all the best quotes and captions for every occasion.