Welcome to your comprehensive source for all things Pai, where we work to keep you informed, entertained and in the know about all the most important news, events and opportunities in our wonderful little community just a few hours from Chiang Mai. Whether you are a long-displaced hippie who showed up decades ago and never left, a glam traveller looking for a quaint slice of yesteryear or a gap year backpacker focused on driving a scooter for the first time and getting completely wasted every night, we’ve got you covered!
Current Events
Woman Receiving Thai Tea in Bag Has No Idea What to Do Next
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Pai Walking Street Really Lives Up to Name
Horde of Scooters Descending on Sunset Bars May Be Sign of Apocalypse, Some Guy Suggests
Canadian Man Correcting Your Grammar Even More Annoying, What with Fascism and All
Exceptionally Furry Dog Counting Down Days Until He Can Retire, Spend Winters in Arctic
Man with Long, Pointy Oiled Moustache Probably Huge Stud
Food and Drink
Restaurant Reviewer Assures Readers He Never Does This
Pai – Intrepid American traveller, Dale, was so impressed by his latest pepperoni pizza that he felt compelled to leave a glowing review on Google Maps, both to express his appreciation to the restaurant and provide useful recommendation for future travellers looking for a taste of home. But don’t get the wrong idea, he almost never does that.
“I almost never eat Western food in Thailand”, he writes. “But when you travel as much as I do sometimes it is nice to have some familiar food. But hardly ever.”
Based on his reluctance to eat Western food, Dale is obviously one of the best travellers, an admirably adventurous eater and, presumably, a person who really focuses on “making real connections with the locals” during his travels. Not just some basic tourist who likes pizza. In case you thought that. Because he almost never does that.
Burger Restaurant Just Called “Burger”
Restaurant Wonders if You Have Smaller Money
Restaurant Named “Cheese Madness” Has Good Grilled Cheese Sandwich
Transportation
Scheduled Bus Trip Catches Driver Unprepared, Immediately Stops for Gas and Food
Tourist About to Drive Scooter for First Time Figures It Can’t Be That Hard
Accommodation
Classic Thai Bungalows Haven’t Changed, Just Cost More
Pai – In a nod to the Thailand of the past, where the Land of Smiles was known for its classic bungalows, Pai still features many of these timeless structures. Whether located on the edge of a scenic rice field in Pai or perched on short stilts overlooking the ocean on a Thai island, these stereotypical huts were almost uniform in their simplicity.
And now, decades later, Thailand is one of the most popular tourist destinations in the world, yet the classic bungalow still endures, albeit with some minor tweaks to accommodate the modern traveller. On the one hand, the wooden deck chairs are still just as uncomfortable, great to look at but woefully ill-equipped for sitting in. And while the obligatory balcony hammock looks as perfect as ever in photos, the heavy cords, large holes and intense knots make lying in them less “idyllic stress relief” and more “war of attrition photo op”. And toilet paper in the toilet is still fully forbidden, disappointingly.
However, many other aspects have seen minor upgrades over time. While mosquito nets are still occasionally used, most have been replaced by air-tight siding and screens on the windows, saving midnight urinators from the daunting challenge of extricating themselves from a haphazardly tucked net in the dark. In addition, many randomly oscillating fans have now been replaced by A/C units which, while technically more effective, generally only feature two settings – off and icy. Showers are still heated by electric boxes but bare wires hanging randomly are far less common.
The pillows are still flat, but not AS flat, and generally smell slightly less like industrial insect killer. And no classic Thai bungalow would be complete without a completely random and inexplicable painting or photo, presumably chosen to trigger discussion, or maybe simply confuse. For example, a photo of a deer, oddly proclaiming them to be Guardians of the Forest. Leaving the questions, which forest? And guarding against what?
Lifestyle
Thai Massage Parlour Advertising Special “No Sex Massage”
Legal Weed Not as Cool
Sports
Crowd of Drunks Watching UFC Really Like the Part Where Guy Gets Punched
Middle-Aged Couple Reluctantly Passes on “Loudest Jungle Tubing Event in Asia”
Pai Buy and Sell
Item: Gauze for Wrapping Scooter Exhaust Burns
Condition: Lightly Used
Price: 1g of hash OBO
Personal Connections
British Man Reassures Everyone That None of His Random Children in Other Parts of the World Affect His Ability to Travel or Get Laid
Travel and Tourism
Bamboo Bridge Cute, Loud
Long Neck Karen Village Not as Full of Racists as Name Would Suggest
Boozy Waterfall Tour Wristbands Modern Version of Lift Pass Tags on Ski Jacket
Really Narrow Path Definitely Worth the Trip
Pai Tourism Board Recommends Learning Some Basic Hebrew Phrases Before Visiting
Big Buddha Okay but Worldly Man Has Seen Bigger
Elephant Rehab Centre Making Great Strides with Sex Addiction
Pai – While many elephant rehab centres around Southeast Asia specialize in getting elephants out of work camps, zoos and amusement park-style tourist attractions where they were ridden, fed and photographed and back to nature, others are focusing more on improving the mental health and general sex life of these huge, noble creatures.
With their rough skin, thick limbs and intimidating trunks, many attractive Asian elephants have found themselves caught up in the seedy underworld of alcohol, drugs and sex tourism. And, while they may enjoy a furious bout of trunk twining as much as the next elephant, not to mention the occasional night of tail flicking, some sexual escapades can be much darker.
“Sure, it all started out innocently enough. Can I rub your skin? Is it okay if I take my pants off before I ride you? Stuff like that”, explains Ellie the Elephant, former full-time tourist entertainer. “But it’s never enough, you know? Next thing they’re like, no, really, trust me, your trunk will fit, maybe just kind of crunch it up a little. You’d be surprised the things I’ve managed to squeeze into my ass. Ok, now, let me just put this part in that big ear of yours, it’ll be fine, I promise, just the tip. But it’s never just the tip, right?”
These specialty rehab centres focus on getting exploited elephants away from the prying appendages of degenerate tourists and helping them develop a more natural, healthy pachyderm sex life. One that focuses on elephants having sex with elephants based on a foundation of mutual consent, respectful attraction and absolutely plowing each other.
Opinion
People Getting Uglier
Summary
Pai may not be the off-the-beaten backpacker destination of the early days of the 21st century but it is still a great place to come for fun social activities, Thai food specially curated for the Western palate and learning to drive a scooter drunk in the comforting company of many other equally drunk newbies.
Active or relaxed, local or touristy, drunk or high – it is all up to you! Welcome to Pai: come for the sunset party, stay to recover.
Other Posts You Might Like:
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Mai Khao Beach: Phuket’s Unique Airplane Beach
The Best Koh Phi Phi Photo Spots
Koh Yao Noi: Thailand’s Hidden Gem
The Top Things to Do on Koh Jum
Reasons to Visit Gorgeous Koh Ngai
The Best Things to Do on Koh Muk
Beautiful Koh Kradan: Where to Stay and What to Do
Beaches: AKA Getting Burnt on Koh Lanta
Journal of a Koh Siboya Castaway
About the Author
Dean Johnston
Dean Johnston quit his job as a financial planner in 2008 to travel the world, and has now visited all 7 continents and more than 85 different countries. He wrote his first blog entry in a sweltering internet cafe in Bali in 2000 and has been writing about their travels ever since, including publishing 3 travel books.
As Routinely Nomadic, Dean remains focused on providing informative travel guides, entertaining stories and useful social media content to readers from all over the world.